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KYLE: Brows Held High, my respected web show I opine for a couple bucks Brows Held High, everybody loves it All my colleagues say... PUSHING UP ROSES: It s**s! BENNETT THE SAGE: It s**s! TODD IN THE SHADOWS: It s**s! LAST ANGRY GEEK: It s**s! NOSTALGIA CRITIC: It s**s! KYLE: In 1946 the Reich had fallen And France no longer said “Sieg Heil!” And from this new status quo Came a man named Jean Cocteau And he made a fairy tale... LINKARA: Good morning, Kyle! (spoken) KYLE: Good morning Monsieur! LINKARA: Where are you off to? KYLE: Reviewing a movie. I found the most wonderful story about the nature of love and the creative process and an allusion to Orpheus... LINKARA: That's nice. Viga! More cybermats! Hurry up! NASH, FILM BRAIN and RAP CRITIC: Look there he goes He thinks he's smart or something A most pretentious cinephile OBSCURUS LUPA: With a condescending gaze PHELOUS: And an allergy to praise ALL FIVE: What a brows-held-highfalutin prick, that Kyle! CHRIS THE NERD: It s**s! IANONNE: It blows! MISS NIGHTMARE: It raped my childhood! MIKEY INSANITY: It's bad! MEDIA HUNTER: It's worse! LINKARA: It's Uwe Boll! ROSENHACKER: It's dumb! SHEA: It's weird! R.L. KING: It's got Ben Affleck! KYLE: It delves into a tortured artist's soul! (Spoken) ALL THREE: What? ROSENHACKER: How is this art? R.L. KING: Artists have souls? SHEA: I can torture Sam Kieth?! DIAMANDA HAGAN: He only touches films we've never heard of Can you believe he has such guile? OMEGA GEEK: Why should we click on a link If we don't know what to think? BOTH: No, I just don't understand the ways of Kyle KYLE: Oh, it needs no announcing Just how many hearts this tale has moved Ev'n if they fail pronouncing The name “Gabrielle-Suzanne Barbot de Villeneuve” PAW: Hello, I'm Paw and now it's time for Best/Worst! The best is obviously me! And the worst is yonder snob Who disliked Les Misérables Do I really have to spell it out? CHORUS: I think you have to spell it out PAW AND CHORUS: Alright, let's spell it out! K-Y-L-E! JERK: In 1991 the Mouse was thriving With Eisner, Katzenberg and Wells When the studio unveiled A new-fangled fairy tale With a story line that rang a couple Belles.... FANGIRL CHORUS: Hey look! Some Jerk! He's got a camera! Who's he? Dunno I thought you knew I think he does Reviews of Disney I've never seen his show so I've no clue LAST ANGRY GEEK: It s**s! PUSHING UP ROSES: It blows! TODD IN THE SHADOWS: It's crap! BENNETT THE SAGE: It's sh**! NOSTALGIA CRITIC: It's worse than cancer! LAST ANGRY GEEK: It's overrated! PUSHING UP ROSES: It's meh! BENNETT THE SAGE: It's drek! TODD IN THE SHADOWS: It's bleh! LAST ANGRY GEEK: It's wack! PUSHING UP ROSES: I feel unclean! KYLE: So let's review! Sampled Vocal: It stinks! LAST ANGRY GEEK: It hurts! TODD IN THE SHADOWS: It's hell! BENNETT THE SAGE: I HATE! NOSTALGIA CRITIC: It has no answers! PUSHING UP ROSES: It's not that good! KYLE: A timeless masterpiece of silver screen! JERK: I'll make that guy review a film we've SEEN! CHORUS: Look over there at the annoying douchebag Who puts the artsy crap on trial! What a wretched human bein'! INSANE IAN: I like him! JERK: Shut up, Ian! KYLE: For my show's next cinematic feast I'm doing Beauty and the Beast! JERK: Well ya better do it RIGHT at least! CHORUS: HE'S KYYYYYYYYYLE! It s**s! It s**s! It s**s it s**s it s**s it s**s!