Various Artists - Dad's Best Friend lyrics

Bootcut Jeans, salmon shirt I have a skin routine and my elbows hurt I don't give blood... because I won't give blood Bought a tarantula from a Swedish guy He helped me out in Stockholm with a DUI And I stalk Ian Brown when he comes to town I stole c**aine off my nephews friend I did it with the fellas at the A.G.M And Eleanor from A&R refused me again So I did that thing at the Holiday Inn My wife sells cheese on the Internet - I think about her sister when we're intimate Her family and friends, they don't like me anymore Cause I threatened all her brothers with an antique sword I'm your dad's best friend, your dad's best friend We're taking him to Holland for the long weekend He never had a stag, he never had a stag We're taking him to Amsterdam and making him a man Your dad's best friend, your dad's best friend We're doing ketamine up in the Netherlands He never had a stag, he never had a stag I'm taking him to Amsterdam and buying him a bag I watch gay p**n in my garden shed I lie to everybody that my father's dead I smell like Joop... my son has croup Picking up the hooker that I like the best Crying on her toilet cause my life's a mess I'm sleeping in the office cause my wife's depressed I'm heating streaky bacon in a trouser press I am your dad's best friend, your dad's best friend I'm taking him to Holland for the long weekend He never had a stag, he never had a stag I'm taking him to Amsterdam and making him a man Your dad's best friend, your dad's best friend We're doing ketamine up in the Netherlands And maybe when you've children of your own You'll be praying for a best friend just like me