Various Artists - Hard to Be the Bard lyrics

SHAKESPEARE: My days are so busy it's making me dizzy There's so much I gotta do There's lunches and meetings and poetry readings And endless interviews Gotta pose for a portrait And how I deplore sitting there for eternity Then it's off to the inn Where my innkeeper friend Wants to name a drink after me Then it's back to my room, where I resume My attempt to write a hit Just me and my beer and the terrible fear That I might be losing it And it's hard MANSERVANTS: It's hard SHAKESPEARE: It's hard MANSERVANTS: It's hard SHAKESPEARE & MANSERVANTS: It's really, really hard So very very hard SHAKESPEARE: I make it look easy but honey believe me It's hard MANSERVANTS: It's hard SHAKESPEARE: It's hard MANSERVANTS: It's hard SHAKESPEARE: It's so SHAKESPEARE & MANSERVANTS: Incredibly hard So inconceivably, unbelievably hard SHAKESPEARE: It's hard to be the bard [spoken] Honestly, I don't know how I do it. There's only so much of me to go around I've got so many fans With so many demands I can hardly go take a piss MANSERVANTS: He can't pee SHAKESPEARE: Be it theater-freak or The autograph-seeker They all want a piece of this MANSERVANTS: Gimme, Gimme SHAKESPEARE: It's a cross that I bear I'm like Jesus, I swear It's a burden but I suffer through it MANSERVANTS: He is suffering SHAKESPEARE: It's all part of the game The trappings of fame But somebody's gotta do it MANSERVANTS: So he does it SHAKESPEARE: And I know, I know, I gotta go And get back to my pen and ink Oh don't make me do it Don't make me go through it Can somebody get me a drink? Cause it's hard MANSERVANTS: It's hard SHAKESPEARE: It's hard MANSERVANTS: It's hard SHAKESPEARE: It's really really hard It's s**y but it's hard This bar that I'm Raising to be this amazing! It's hard MANSERVANTS: It's hard SHAKESPEARE: It's hard MANSERVANTS: It's hard SHAKESPEARE: It's so SHAKESPEARE & MANSERVANTS: Annoyingly hard So unavoidably, un-enjoyably hard SHAKESPEARE: It's hard to be the bard, baby [spoken] Ugh. I know writing made me famous, but being famous is just so much more fun. You see... What people just don't understand Is that writing's demanding It's mentally challenging and it's a bore It's such a chore To sit in a room by yourself Oh my god, I just hate it! And you're trying to find An opening line or a brilliant idea And you're pacing the floor And hoping for just a bit of divine intervention That one little nugget that one little spark Then Eureka! You find it you're ready to start So now you can write, right? Wrong! You're not even close, you remember that damn it Your play's gotta be in iambic pentameter! So you write down a word but it's not the right word So you try a new word but you hate the new word And you need a good word but you can't find the word Oh where is it, what is it, what is it, where is it! Blah-blah-blah, ha ha, ah-ha -UGHHHHHHHH! VALET: Sir SHAKESPEARE: Hello VALET: You asked for information on what Nicholas Bottom is writing. Our spy is here with the news SHAKESPEARE: Did he see me losing it? VALET: He's half blind, sir SHAKESPEARE: Oh, good. Then he only saw half of it. You see what I did? Ha ha VALET: Oh, yes, yes, yes, wonderful SHAKESPEARE Speak, man. What news? EYEPATCH MAN: I saw Nick Bottom, I did. He paid a soothsayer to foresee what Shakespeare's greatest play would be SHAKESPEARE: That sneaky little thief! Why doesn't he come up with his own ideas!? MANSERVANTS: It's hard SHAKESPEARE: No. It is, isn't it? It's really the worst MANSERVANTS: It's hard SHAKESPEARE: Makes me wonder why I didn't think of that first MANSERVANTS: It's hard SHAKESPEARE: Hard to alleviate the pressure to create MANSERVANTS: It's hard SHAKESPEARE: Hard to do something as good as the last thing I did that was already great MANSERVANTS: It's hard SHAKESPEARE: It's hard MANSERVANTS: So hard that he is stealing from the bard SHAKESPEARE: Well I'll hoist him by his petard All that I need is a clever disguise MANSERVANTS: Clever disguise SHAKESPEARE: I'll make him pay for his devious lies MANSERVANTS: Devious lies SHAKESPEARE: Let him do all the tedious stuff The work that's terribly and unbearably hard [spoken] All right, Nick Bottom. I think Shakespeare needs to find out what Shakespeare's next big hit will be! Cause it's hard MANSERVANTS: It's hard It's totally hard SHAKESPEARE & MANSERVANTS: It's hard MAN SERVANTS: It's hard It's totally hard SHAKESPEARE & MANSERVANTS: It's hard MANSERVANTS: It's hard It's totally hard SHAKESPEARE: I've got fortune and fame Everyone knows my name I can't help it it's still freaking hard