Various Artists - JavaScript Rap lyrics

Give me the Mic Crockford and Eich From Netscape to Node It's been quite a hike JS in the front, REST in the back Ain't it time you changed your stack? Server-side rendering? That's just whack Once you go Backbone, you never go back Unobtrusive set us free It all blew up with jQuery Now it's MVC with TDD Ain't got time for PHP Onclick to Require was such a ride With GitHub code ain't got no where to hide My lack of globals is a point of pride I'm hitting my stride on the client-side Stop testing IE 6, it's a trap! Been crap since way back, everybody knows that Standards make dev such a snap And don't get me started on space vs. tab. [mic drop] Use Grunt, watch it automate on a dime Don't waste no coding time AMD will make you feel cool Loose Coupling so you won't look like a fool Just sit right back hear the tale Brendan's gonna make, we cannot fail We ain't got three hours, it'll take ten days Born from scheme and self in a lispy haze And amp, semicolon, the rhymes, I got plenty I got the space encoded, fool it's percent twenty My var's locked in closure, that's dope Ain't no bleedin or leakin' since I'm in the right scope Yo, JS is /the/ form Where I code like a storm Free from spaghetti! Fierce like the Serengeti If that bug's hard to track Console's got your back Code it DRY, code it right Browser, server, world; its all in sight Use the remote debugger Like there ain't no other You code in JS, but you mixing the types And always forget the syntax for “splice” To type “double equal” is like rolling the dice And you scared to d**h … of prototypes It's time to stand up and get some respect Just go to ECMA and read the f**ing spec Unpuzzle, unlock it, uncode and decrypt And gain yourself power of true JavaScript You add number to string and string to array Divide it by object (you know it's ok) The prototype chain you can see through the code… It was a great journey from Netscape to Node `eval` is evil and `with` is whack F*ck cla**es — you can have 'em back This is the generation of floating math No tail calls in this giant stack Var i, math dot pie in the sky Fly tries to catch zero size Arrays with new prototypes are lies Disguised as wise overrides Prefix with java, ecma, mocha, and live Script all day and all night Microsize your JS lines But don't self minify Above all else, yo, f*ck static types Go async and then you'll never look (this line will run before the last's call) Back. Stop waiting for some slow IO And start using four cores in your MacBook Pro Fat arrow lambda, func'd the funky Close over this, ya JavaScript junkie Comma abuse, ASI hack Truth-y compare, you'll wanna redact Bask in the glow, open/close brace Of any indent, Insignificant whitespace `arguments` array? It isn't that hard You ain't gotta call Captain Picard My macros are sweet, my models aren't fat My build script's complete, unit test — all that Controllers are trim, view models fine E.C.M.A. - TC-39b Functional code, is what I'm rockin' Dot foreach and map, reduce ain't lockin' Those mutable props, makin' me sneeze I think I'm allergic, object dot freeze While cache clonin', weakMap for me Gimme some has-Own-Prop-er-ty Awaiting for no one, renaming a file Async is alright, actor callback style Google Go code-gen, in fat reams Don't need no types, or agile teams Slingin' that node, gimme pipes, gimme streams Gimme that Harmony, of our dreams My code is lean, it ain't all swollen I love my braces and my semicolons It's ok now, don't you be tight-lipped It's ok to say you hate CoffeeScript! It was all a dream I used to code vanilla JS on the scene Now I got Backbone and Zepto all up in the IDE JS is blowin' up like I thought it would New frameworks, but same language in the hood And it's all good So if you don't know, now you know, coders. Uh Hey yo server siders clogging up the rear Stop making it complex, I'm starting to tear Try the frontend, that's where it's at Power to the coders, got nothin' to catch