UT Kirin - I Read Murakami lyrics

I broke up with my most recent ex-girlfriend the first Monday back (she gets a mention in here at the end cause I'm an a**hole like that) And my best friend got back from Shanghai and his hair was long past his ears He'd only been gone six months but we both know that he had been gone three years And I guess that I'm tearing the fourth wall to pieces Cause this one's the most recent, man it all feels so recent I got into seven of eight grad schools I applied to I got into my friend's ex, who screams when she rides you I got four-hundred kids drunk for free at four AM I got four-hundred dollars in parking tickets by the end And my veins are still open, and I'm still bleeding colors All over California, but Texas is my mother The first girl I asked out for Valentine's Day now lives in the Mission And the second girl I asked will in seven years mother my children And with both I listened to Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix in my car And when they knew the words to La**o, well it broke my damn heart So what does that mean? is there no greater plan? Did I make this all up? do I not understand? And am I where I am because in January of my senior year Elodie invited me to a French party and I talked to a Japanese girl And had coffees and brunches, and took shots and made out While my future self screamed at me 'don't f** this up now' But I just can't shake this damn feeling of survivor guilt Cause I sure didn't earn this and I do not deserve her I do not deserve her, I do not deserve her, I do not deserve her, I do not deserve her I didn't go to my own graduation I didn't want some big goodbye moment And my dorm room was empty but I didn't feel lonely I read Murakami in bed while the sun arced up slowly And illuminated the cinderblock walls I remembered Staring at my first day in August 2011 When I was seventeen, and everything was exciting And my posters weren't ripped, and my macbook was shining I miss that kid sometimes, he's a sweet one and he doesn't yet know That he'll meet so much d**h, love, d** and f**ing But he doesn't care, he's not thinking about it He's just glad to be out of New Jersey and shouting On late nights with his head out of the window down 59 With the West U streetlights guiding all the rides back to Greenbriar But he won, and he set me up good, and I'm thankful The future's been kind I may have peaked but I'm stable I saw Jennifer in January, on the day she moved to Portland And now we've both seen the world, and aced the interview, and become corporate But I'll always remember the joy of not knowing And the thrill of it all out before me Blink four times, it's over