Ugly Americans - Orlando lyrics

I was sitting naked in a holiday inn down in Orlando And it was the morning of the last day of the year I didn't know who I was and I thought I might've been Evan Dando But if I was him than what the hell was I doing here So I asked myself one simple question What would I do with the rest of my life If I knew I couldn't fail I guess I'd get the hell Out of Orlando and find me a rich and beautiful wife Cause I don't want to do a damn thing And I want to be appreciated And I want to get paid well And I don't want to be hated I don't want to do a damn thing except lie in the sun And be loved loved loved loved loved by everyone So I called up the front desk to see if I could rent a p**no They said you better have a credit card I said honey I'm pretty hard up But I ain't got no visa I said honey could you please uh help me She said she was sorry but I think she was just disgusted And I was kinda disgusted myself cause it had all come down to this And I felt like a pervert but goddamn it gets lonely When you're sitting in your hotel room naked as a jaybird Down in Orlando in the middle of the night So I called up an old friend to see how he was doing But he sounded like a robot and it was like I barely knew him So I said I had to go then I couldn't take it any longer You know the desire to throw my naked body out the fifth floor of the Holiday Inn kept getting stronger I tried to take a cold shower but I couldn't get my nerve up I just sat in that hotel room and tried to cut my own hair That was the worst idea that I had all day But goddamn it gets lonely down in f.l.o.r.i.d.a Then I thought to myself just what the hell was a jaybird And just what the hell does it look like and what the hell am I doing So I tried to write a song about it but this is all I got You know I sang it for your girlfriend and she said she liked it a lot Except the part about k**ing myself and the part about trying to find a rich wife She said you should have gone to sea world you might have had a better time I said honey thanks for the input thanks for the advice But I think that the only way I'm ever going back to Orlando is if I live life twice Cause I don't want to do a damn thing And I want to be appreciated And I want to get paid well And I don't want to be hated I don't want to do a damn thing except lie in the sun And be loved loved loved loved loved by everyone