Trevor Moore - Gays Got Married lyrics

I grew up in an American town No locks on the doors When we all bedded down To sleep Met a pretty young girl, and made her my bride After church on Sundays, take the kids for a ride Down the street Swimming holes, catching fireflies in jars Spend the evening staring at the stars Then the gays got married (gays got married) And the plant shut down (plant shut down) And the crops dried up (the crops dried up) Everywhere around (Everywhere around) Then the gays started kissin' (started kissin') And the state said "Cool" (cool) And they made all the kids Be gay in school 'cause them gays got married (gays got married) They announced it on TV Jumped in my truck and slammed reverse I had to get to my family Before the gay could get there first Hauling a** down the interstate In my throat I could my heart I didn't know how much time I had Before all the orgies would start And they're grabbing guys like me And they're pulling us out of our trucks And they're kissing our lips, and nibbling our ears And all sorts of s**y stuff And they're taking us out to fancy hotels And partying the night away And they're saying how good we look in their shirt When we wake up the next day No, I dare not look back To see what's behind They almost got me once When I was surfing online But as strong and straight as I know I am Every man can be pushed too far I've seen the devil, and the devil looks like Mario Lopez in jean shorts washing his car I pulled up into my house And I quickly ran inside I grabbed my lovely spouse But I felt no love when I looked in her eyes The gay had gone airborne And I didn't make it in time My family unit Had already been undermined Because The gays got married (gays got married) And released gay spores (gay spores) And all the straight people (all the people) Weren't in love no more (never love no more) 'cause them gays got married (gays got married) Been in this bunker three long years Canned food and recycled air Yet I shudder when I think about What must be happening up there A radioactive scorched desertscape Ruled by roving biker gangs With scary tattoos and muscley arms Blue eyes and super cute bangs So I'll seal myself off from everyone And hide here until I die Confused and angry, sad and alone And I know the reason why... 'cause the gays got married (the gays got married) The gays got married (the gays got married) The gays got married (the gays got married) The gays got married