Tim Minchin - Miracle, Pt. 1 lyrics

[ERIC] My mummy says I'm a miracle! [TOMMY] My daddy says I'm his special little guy! Ow! [AMANDA] I am a princess [BRUCE] And I am a prince [ALL GIRLS] Mum says I'm an angel sent down from the sky! [BRUCE, ERIC, TOMMY, and NIGEL] My daddy says I'm his special little soldier No one is as handsome, strong as me [BRUCE] It's true he indulges my tendency to bulge [BRUCE, ERIC, TOMMY, and NIGEL] But I'm his little soldier Hup, two, four, free [ALICE and HORTENSIA] My mummy says I'm a miracle One look at my face and it's plain to see Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me Ow! [NIGEL, TOMMY] My daddy says I'm his special little soldier No one is as bold or tough as me Has my daddy told ya One day when I'm older I can be a soldier [NIGEL] And shoot you in the face! [PARTY ENTERTAINER] One can hardly move for beauty and brilliance these days It seems that there are millions of these one-in-a-millions these days Specialness is de rigueur Above average is average. Go fig-ueur! Is it some modern miracle of calculus That such frequent miracles don't render each one un-miraculous? [ALL KIDS] My mummy says I'm a miracle One look at my face and it's plain to see Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me LAVENDER My mummy says I'm a precious barrelina She has never seen – a! Prettier barrelin–a! She says if I'm keen, I have to cut down on the cream But I'm a barrelina – So give me more cake! [COUPLE 1] DAD 1: Take another picture of our angel from this angle over here MUM 1: She is clearly more emotionally developed than her peers BOTH: What a dear! [COUPLE 2] MUM 2: That's right, honey. Look at mummy DAD 2: Don't put honey on your brother MUM 2: Smile for mummy! Smile for mother! DAD 2: I think he blinked MUM 2: Well, take another! [COUPLE 3] DAD 3: Have you seen his school report? He got a C on his report! ALL COUPLES: What? DAD 3: We'll have to change his school. The teacher's clearly falling short [COUPLE 4] MUM 4: He's just delightful DAD 4: So hilarious MUM 4: And insightful [ALL PARENTS] Might she be a little brighter than her cla**? Oh, yes, she's definitely advanced! [ALL KIDS] My mummy says I'm a miracle One look at my face and it's plain to see Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me [ALL PARENTS] Take another picture of our angel from this angle over here She is clearly more emotionally developed than her peers What a dear! That's right, honey, look at mummy Don't put honey on your brother Smile for mummy, smile for mother I think he blinked Well, take another! [ALL KIDS] My mummy says I'm a – [ALL] Miracle! [ALL KIDS] That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a – [ALL] Mirror ball! You can be all cynical But it's a truth empirical There's never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle As me [MRS WORMWOOD] Look, is this gonna take much longer, doctor? I've got a plane to catch at three. I'm competing in the Bi-Annual International Amateur Salsa and Ballroom Dancing Championships in Paris [DOCTOR] You're getting on a plane, Mrs Wormwood? [MRS WORMWOOD] Of course I am. I always compete, doctor. But this time, I've got a secret weapon. Rudolpho! He's part Italian, you know. Very supple. Has incredible upper-body strength [DOCTOR] I think we should have a talk [MRS WORMWOOD] So, what is it? What's wrong with me? [DOCTOR] Mrs Wormwood, do you really have no idea? [MRS WORMWOOD] Gas? [DOCTOR] Mrs Wormwood, I want you to think very carefully. What do you think might be the cause of – this? [MRS WORMWOOD] (gasps) Am I . . . Am I . . . Look, am I fat? [DOCTOR] You're pregnant! [MRS WORMWOOD] What?! [DOCTOR] You're going to have a baby [MRS WORMWOOD] But I've got a baby! I don't want another one. Isn't there something you can do? [DOCTOR] You're nine months pregnant! [MRS WORMWOOD] Antibiotics, or . . . Oh, my good Lord! What about the Bi-Annual International Amateur Salsa and Ballroom Dancing Championships?