'Cause he gets up in the morning And he goes to work at nine And he comes back home at five-thirty Gets the same train every time 'Cause his world is built 'round punctuality It never fails And he's oh so good And he's oh so fine And he's oh so healthy In his body and his mind He's a well respected man about town Doing the best things so conservatively And his mother goes to meetings While his father pulls the maid And she stirs the tea with councilors While discussing foreign trade And she pa**es looks, as well as bills At every suave young man (Chorus) And he likes his own backyard And he likes his f*gs the best 'Cause he's better than the rest And his own sweat smells the best And he hopes to grab his fathers loot When pater pa**es on (Chorus) And he plays at stocks and shares And he goes to the regatta He adores the girl next door 'Cause he's dying to get at her But his mother knows the best about The matrimonial stakes (Chorus)