The Duckworth Lewis Method - The Umpire lyrics

I awake early morning, press my shirt, clean my shoes Egg and soldiers for my breakfast, kiss the wife, avoid the news Take the wheel of my Escort, sixty-five, middle lane Watch the Jags and the Ferraris, leave me in their wake again Who would aspire to be an umpire and who would be a referee? We're only here to be sneered at, just a relic of yesteryear There was a time when we were held high, but it's not how it used to be They only let us stick around so they've someone to kick around One more relic of yesterday Do you think, they would miss me if I took a holiday? Spent the morning at the seaside, candyfloss, penny arcade No abuse, no indignation, no vitriol, no angry mobs No high pressure situations, I'm just trying to do my job Who would aspire to be an umpire and who would be a referee? We're only here to be laughed at, just a relic of yesteryear There was a time when we were held high, but now they've got technology Replaying every scene to prove that we are of no further use And sport is just a computer game Just a relic of yesterday