That Handsome Devil - Charlie's Inferno lyrics

(Here lies Charlie. You can tell it's him 'cause we put his name on the stone.) He kept his showers ice cold, Used eco-friendly lightbulbs Rode his bicycle to work when the gasoline price rose He'd judge with no pretense, fish on the weekends Each morning, get up, do the Pledge of Allegience Never swim in the ocean, for fear of shark attacks Bi-monthly get his wife a rose with a card attached Avoiding all the little things that were hard to ask Had a car crash-- cardiac arrest, died of a heart attack Golden escalator, all his friends and neighbors Huddled there and prayin' around the respirator Catch you later, I'm off to see the man upstairs They all look like ants from here Stars and crystal chandaliers There was an angel at the entrance Checking off a guest list Charlie wasn't on it, and was ushered to the exit His heart sank, he was breathless Excuse me, sir! There must be someone you've confused me for If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform I go to church on sunday, truly, usually more! Screaming at the angels while they pushed him through the door! Excuse me, sir! There must be someone you've confused me for If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform I go to church on sunday, truly, usually more! Screaming at the angels while they pushed him through the door! Abandon all hope, all ye who enter. It was a horrifying sight, but sounded like a neat adventure. Far beyond the halos and the castles in the clouds Fatsos squealing, shackled with some apples in their mouths Attention who*es and padded bras hanging from extension cords Tortured with the products from their favorite catalogs Here, we buy and sell a million kinds of Hell Imagination is the limit to the devil's clientelle A dingy elevator, no televised debate Will save you from the Hell you paid for Sorry but it's "Smell you later" Side-stepped fate Went right for the gate But you know the devil, he loves a good chase! There was a demon at the entrance, making X's on a checklist Who would kick you in the a** when you begged him for repentance Those tempted by the senses with the cruelest of intentions Charlie's heart sank, he was breathless Excuse me, sir! There must be someone you've confused me for If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform I really don't belong here, I know you've heard the tune before Screaming at the demons while they pushed him through the door! Excuse me, sir! There must be someone you've confused me for If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform I really don't belong here, I know you've heard the tune before Screaming at the demons while they pushed him through the door! You can run from your demons until you are exhausted One day you will have to stop and find out what they wanted Keep on running from those demons until you are exhausted You can run to those angels until you are exhausted One day you will have to stop and question what they wanted Keep on running to those angels until you are exhausted Excuse me, sir! There must be someone you've confused me for If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform I really don't belong here, I know you've heard the tune before Screaming at the demons while they pushed him through the door! Excuse me, sir! There must be someone you've confused me for If I could see someone who knew me or someone in uniform I really don't belong here, I know you've heard the tune before