Ted Bohanon - Freaky Tales lyrics

[Chorus] These are the tales, the freaky tales... These are the tales that I tell so well... I met this girl, her name was Joan She loved the way I rocked on the microphone When I met Joan, I took her home She was just like a doggy all on my bone I met another girl, her name was Ann All she wanted was to freak with a man When I met Ann, I shook her hand We ended up freakin' by a garbage can The next young freak I met was Red I took her to the house and she gave me head She likes to freak is all she said We jumped in the sheets and we broke my bed There's another girl, her name is Mary Talk about s** and the girl acts scary I heard she was freakin' from my homeboy Jerry Took her to the house and I popped that cherry Young and tender, sweet Denise Get her in the bed and the girl's a beast I tell you, homeboy, if you get a piece She'll only start talking about signing a lease I met this tender, her name was Lori An X-rated movie wouldn't tell her story She had a twin sister, her name was Lisa And just like Lori, she's a real dick pleaser My girlfriend's name was Michelle Her booty was bigger than a tail on a whale When I freaked Michelle, I freaked her well Her p**y got hotter than the flames in hell I G'd this girl, her name is Tammy I didn't wanna do it 'cause the b**h was flammy She had a best friend, her name was Jane I pulled her to the side and I spit that game I met a lot of freaks in my lifespan Freaked one night with a girl named Pam The very next day I saw her with her man One week pa**ed and I was in her again I had an old tender, her name's Janine She was 32 and I was only eighteen She likes to freak, she's just a fiend It really didn't matter when I saw her in jeans I want a big freak, fat and sloppy I kick on back and I watch her mop me Two tons of fun, big Mamma Jamma A country-girl from Alabama I met this freak, her name was Beth Her p**y got wet and it smelled like d**h I was tired as hell, I was drippin' sweat But I was all up in her trying to hold my breath Bake and shake us, I met this freak in Vegas She said her name was Dinah She was a built little freak from China I said I don't pimp or gigolo I'm having so much money that I don't need a hoe You can break yourself but you can't break me You never met a player like $hort, baby I knew a dick s**er named Betty-Jo Took her to my house and we did it on the floor The girl got freaky and I'll tell you more She was down on her knees begging to blow She's like another freak named Renée You get her alone and she'll make your day Like Burger King, she knows the play But a freak like Renée, you can have it your way... [Chorus x2] I met this girl, thick as hell Only sixteen, said her name was Linell I took her to my house, I could not wait Her sh** was much tighter than a Century Safe Let me tell you this since we're talking young I met another girl, said her name was Yvonne Always talking about having fun Once again at the pad I had it going on I'm Sir Too $hort, couldn't be no punk I'm trying to get funky like "Female Funk" So when you see me coming or see me going I keep my money, let the hoes keep hoeing I once met a hooker, she did it for free On the Foothill bus number forty-three All the way in the back she was working me Had my big beatbox and I was jamming the beat I met this freak named Antoinette Macked on baby like an ice cold vet Everything she had is what I get 'Cause I'm Too $hort, baby, I don't play that sh** I met another freak, her name was Rita Baby thought that Too $hort just might eat her I told her like this, she could s** my peter Or either go home 'cause I knew I didn't need her Scratched her name out my telephone book Never again took a second look 'Cause the next young freak, her name was Sharon She kept looking while I kept staring Baby came through with my homeboy Darren Her booty was stuffed in the jeans she was wearing She never left, he cut out I know you all know what I'm talking about There's a freak named Shannon, such a sinner She smokes that pipe and she's getting thinner Shannon is cool but her mind is gone One fat rock and it's going on She had another buddy, came by my place Thick a** b**h, said her name was Grace She walked in the door working lace You shoulda seen that look that was on my face She's like this tender named Belinda The homeboys called her 'Belinda the Blender' She gave head like she made it up She was twenty years old with a big round bu*t Had a girl looked like Olive Oyl Her father was rich and the girl was spoiled When she got mad, her blood would boil But I wrapped her all up like aluminum foil [Chorus x2] Sugar Delight Friday night It's going on Too $hort Three weeks ago, I met this freak She followed me around like Mary's sheep I hid around the corner and when she came I grabbed her by the arm and I asked her name She said it was Anita Her man's in Santa Rita I took her to my house and homeboy, I G'd her Sent her on her way The very next day, Playboy $hort was ready to play I bumped into this girl, her name's Roshawn We hit the motel and had it going on Holiday Inn to the break of dawn When I took baby home, I freaked her mom I knew this tender named Shari I took her to the house and let her freak on me Baby was a fan, she loved my beat But I wouldn't raise my leg and let her kiss my feet I met this freak named Yolanda Rolled baby doll like a brand new Honda I was on top, she was up under The bed hit the wall and it sounded like thunder I once had a date with a girl named Kitty She was so fine with her big fat titties All night long she was acting sh**ty So I macked on baby like I was Frank Nitti There's another girl, her name is Rose I use to ride baby like brand new Vogues I never saw Rose wearing clothes She's a Penthouse pet, ready to pose I was riding down the street when I met Janet Her booty was bigger than the whole damn planet Ass everywhere, I just can't stand it Tried to palm it but I could not manage I had this freak, her name was Bunny Said I'm the only man who ever called her honey Everything I did to her was funny I macked on Bunny and I took her money Eight, tonight, a date, with Shirley She was real short and her hair was curly If you saw baby you liked this girlie She was so fine I went to get her early Shirley was freaking like a girl named Rachel Her bite was vicious and it sure was fatal She liked to kiss all on my navel Those are her lips on top of my label I knew another freak, her name was Candy Real big lips and they came in handy I smooth got worked and it was so dandy I hooked the broad up with my homeboy Randy He did me a favor in return Gave me a lizard, said her name was Laverne Baby got tossed, then I got on I grabbed the microphone and started singing my song My young homeboy heard me rap And said he had way more freaks than that So I told him like this, they might be freaking But, boy, you never had that T-P-Treatment...