Tarik - Everything I Am lyrics

People tell me keep my head up it'll be okay and I just smile because there's nothing left for me to say meanwhile I'm really wishing that they'd keep away cause no one truly understands the problems I hide deep away they're playing checkers, my mind is thinking chess moves I'm tryna' pause time so I can think about my next move not only that I'm also thinking 'bout my next two while also being sidetracked by these pretty girls I'm next to if she really knew the weight of all my problems would she still be staring at me as if she could help me solve em'? I swear I'm losing it, I'm caught up in my thoughts it's like they show you how to get through life but still I end up lost and everything attained in life don't come without a cost so our emotions pay for every single lesson we are taught tryna' keep a smile in the midst of all my pain is like tryna' stay dry in the midst of all the rain I'm hoping I'm the only thing that still remains the same so my friends won't say I changed in the midst of all the fame but no one knows what tomorrow holds so whos to say? so I'm thinking 'bout tomorrow when I lose track of today once I make it through this mess, Imma be the one to blame cause I did it on my own with little help along the way this mixtape is my book but I didn't put in every page cause I didn't wanna talk about things like H.R.A. so I didn't tell ya'll that my family got evicted or that I completely ruined my relationship with my sisters if I could speak to them I'd tell them that I miss em' and say sorry that I didn't even send a gift on christmas it's like, I just wonder how I got here and how I'm 'posed to fly when my whole world drops here but just when I thought the storm was over.. some close ones pa**ed away, another burden on my shoulder it's always ones that you ain't call as much as you was 'posed to yet you could find time to text people you ain't close to damn, so I'm feeling type ashamed while half the family's only hoping that the family's getting paid and things ain't quite merry when you can't afford christmas yet people asking me why I'm not smiling in my pictures if money talks then I'm tryna sit and listen but if money says it all then my pocket just whispers cause even with financial aid I can't afford college but a bachelor's can't teach you how to get through life's problems so I ain't even stressing that I can't afford knowledge it just means I'll find another stage and learn how to rock it my dreams walk ahead of me, I am just the shadow either they are out of reach or I am just a tad slow I'm a bad performer or my life is just a bad show atleast I get this weekly child support from my dad though how come, life dont listen when I ask first? and even when I drive slow, I can't avoid them fast girls? I was voted cla** clown and cla** nerd I hope my songs are good enough for fans to hear the last verse pictures in my mind but I can't really describe them pills that I could take but the doctor didn't prescribe them problems tend to find me so I'm just tryna' hide them my dreams try to log out so I keep my focus signed in music is my life and every bar is a tear I just hope the ba** bumps loud enough to silence all my fears I've been through hell and back and only lived 20 years I've got 80 more left so that explains why I'm scared my life is a movie but I wish I had two takes so I could film from scratch with a new life and a new name it's like, I just need to find a new place where roaches don't walk by me as if they were freaking roomates I set up dates with girls that I eventually postpone cause I either got no money or I'm running out of clothes so now she disappointed or she's crying back at home but little does she know that I've been crying all along and I should tell the truth because I know she'd understand but it hurts to say I'm broke so I pretend that I got plans but I'm just home hoping that she'll find a better man that can take her out to dinner and put diamonds on her hand everybody got problems, why complain about mine? I'll just put them in a song and then I'll make it all rhyme I'm trying not to rush cause I know things come in time I'm just waiting for the whole world to be mine when you try hard, you die hard, yea I hear you yeezy but I'm going hard regardless 'cause since when is dying easy so tell me do ya'll feel me? nah, ya'll can't hear me...