Synaptic Soul - Monster lyrics

The ugly monster reared its head And once again I let me be lead To that familiar place that's dark and cold And it's getting lonely, and it's getting old It sounds so trite, I'm a textbook case A stupid condition, a total disgrace It's so tragic it's funny, I wish I could laugh My brain's sick of fighting on my body's behalf I've tried to reason I've tried to scold I've tried to love I've tried to be bold Why can't I restrain? Why can't I control? Why can't I refrain? Why can't I be whole? When I'm in command it's a comical game When the monster takes over there's bottomless shame It's like something separate outside my skin That never stops fighting and never gives in For awhile I thought I'd figured it out I was skating along, no concern and not a doubt So what cracked the ice and caused this continental drift And made me throw away that beautiful gift? I've tried to reason I've tried to scold I've tried to love I've tried to be bold Why can't I restrain? Why can't I control? Why can't I refrain? Why can't I be whole? I need an answer. I need it now. My brain is a hostage, it doesn't know how To stop this cycle, to break its stride To make this unbearable numb subside I've tried to reason I've tried to scold I've tried to love I've tried to be bold Why can't I restrain? Why can't I control? Why can't I refrain? Why can't I be whole?