Sway - Jason Waste lyrics

Hi my name is Jason and I'm not gay [People are so damn crazy up in Jason's world] People call me a waste man, 'cause I haven't got a job (what a knob) [He don't wanna get out of bed] Bed, up, make tea, shower, eat, Paste, wee, change, go, make teas, Alarm, snooze back to sleep All of my little brothers, always call me a waste man [Waste man, waste man] Because I'm 27, and I'm living down in the basement [Waste man] I'm so complacent, so I will stay here They're banging on my door, but I won't chase 'em Cause I'm so lazy, the last few days I Haven't seen daylight, haven't shaved And they can say what they like, they just hate me Cause I never let 'em have a go on my PlayStation (piss off) They said I'm fat I need to go to the gym I don't wanna be fat, I wanna be slim Did a minute on the treadmill went for a swim Little kids jumped out soon as I jumped in Now I'm in the changing room Hi my name is Jason and I'm not gay I'm looking at your thing but it's not what you think I'm think to myself why is mine not as big So I think dirty thoughts so I can get it bigger Beyonce, look at me now I'm a k**er I said I'm not gay go away stop wishing I just wanted a bit of stiff competition [Erm, sorry Jason] What, what do you want? [We've just had a complaint] Piss off [From a very valued client] I said piss off [Sadly resulting in us revoking your membership] Shut up I don't care This is a crap gym [Well, mate, just leave, please] It doesn't work, how do I know it works I'm still fat, why am I still fat [Just go, please] It's a sh** gym Sod off I got a baby mum and a lovely little son Lovely boy but his is mum is very very dumb I was very very drunk, I told her lot of secrets Very very drunk, I told her not to keep it Anyway she had it, sorry had him, Darren His grandmother Karen, wanted to call him Gavin But I didn't have it, I was working at Maplin Gavin was my manager and I wanted to slap him 'Cause he wanted to sack me, 'cause I wanted to stab him 'Cause my girl liked him and she wanted to shag him He's a bit bigger, but I know I could have him As a matter of fact he kinda looks like Darren I still got sacked and this is how it happened Some Nigerian guy called Tunde Who told me to call him Thomas for short Walked into the store, said he wanted to talk At first I wasn't sure, but because he was nice, to me And he kinda showed me his nine He brought a lot of stuff and he told me to swine But this is a woman's car [Shut up it's for my wife) He would come in like every fortnight And buy the same iPod 4 times Apparently he was doing the same thing with Tariq Who told the police my name when it happened (It was Jason) [Hello Jason] What? [We're from the Metropolitan Police fraud department) Police! [We'd like ask you a few...] Oink oink! [Excuse me?] Oink, you're a pig [Excuse me?!] Listen go away man, I don't wanna get arrested I wanna rest, I wanna sleep [Look, you're coming with me] All my little brothers smoke weed [Oh my goodness] Come and arrest them, or they'll do murder Bed I can sleep till the world ends And I ain't in a rush for a girlfriend All I ever do is fail them 'Cause all I ever do is tell them the true If you're fat you're fat, b**h, ain't nothing wrong with that Don't switch I'm, just telling you a fact Do you think you're thin? [Well no] Well then [I hate you!] I abuse most of them I think that's how I lose most of them I don't want to get too close to them After what happened to Elton in school Elton was cool But he had a girlfriend that didn't want to do things he wanted to Do [I said no!] She said no but he went ahead and felt her [Get off me!] I think he's just coming out of Feltham My last girl was a wannabe WAG [Hi!] Who went everywhere in a cab I told her I'm rich She took me to Harrod And picked up this Gucci worth a grand I went quiet like words from my gran 'Cause that's too much to spend on a slag I mean that's too much to spend on a bag As soon as we got to the till, I ran [Where you going?!] Then my mobile rang ['Ello?] It was my first love, Ann [Hi Jason] She said she split up with her man [He's gone] And she's in need of a bang [Come round] I said I'll be on a bus in a minute She said "you better not bust in a minute" I got prang and rushed to the chemist Excuse me, have you got anything for men that ejaculate premature? [Oh yes] He took me to the back of the store He gave me a spray, what's this for? [Put a little on the top just before] Got to her house, clock says 4 She's worn out, I'm wanting more 'Cause she's sore she went down south And I think she's saying she can't feel her mouth Oi, Anna, speak loud Are you saying you can't feel your mouth? [Mm mm mm!] Are you saying where is this mouse? What, you want me to take your couch? Look if you want to kiss me, out That's when she kicked me, ouch I think she's trying to kick me out Just tell me if you wanna get me out I'm gone