Sudden d**h - New Jersey Lifestyle lyrics

{*a parody of Fat Joe's song "My Lifestyle"*} [Tom Rockwell] Uhh.. yeah.. Jersey baby! Welcome to Jersey, ya heard? Yeah, uh! Can't even pump your own gas here! Yo.. yeah, yeah, yo [Verse One: Tom Rockwell - Sudden d**h] I live alone in the armpit, of the nation In the state with the densest population The Garden State, where the gardener wrecks it I tell people where I live by the exit Joisey, where hygene's secondary If the locals ever saw a real book they'd commit Hari Kari Neon glow car, chain around the license plate Two inches off of the ground, it's like a rollerskate Me and my neighbors play a game whenever we're at Baskin Robbins, seein who can count the most flavors Aiyyo, if you're lookin for cla** you're outta luck The state symbol is Calvin, urinating on a Ford truck Muscle shirts are considered formal attire My neighbor's hobby is to sit for hours watchin the drier And at the strip club, is the Bride of Frankenstein With a back so hairy that it's a crime Before you visit that park you best be insured Everyone I know has come back severely injured Don't look at me cause it's out of my control People disappear for years in our ma**ive pot holes, whoa! [Chorus - repeat 2X] Y'all wanna live my lifestyle Never had a job, never seen a dentist Wanna hang with the boys, go to Wal*Mart Visit me and I'ma show you inbred [Verse Two: Tom Rockwell - Sudden d**h] At least half the state, has major brain damage You can get the same replies talkin to a ham sandwich My next door neighbor, only bathes on a Friday But every single day he uses soap to wash his driveway That's why the first week in July as we speak Is "National Be Nice to New Jersey Week" God help you if you wanna turn left, you'd have to be deft Usually you have to make three rights to go left And get this, if you take the folks on my street And add 'em up, maybe you could get a full set of teeth You wouldn't believe, but one of 'em forgot how to breathe So much hair in their nose you could make your own weave It's a last resort, where chickens can be child support And driving is a contact sport It's where malls are considered a shrine I've lived here for three years, I'm fittin in just fine It's a place where kids play the game Name Those Scents Where all the garbage gets recycled into lawn ornaments Yeah all the freaks in my town all belong in the pound Even Smokey the Bear said go 'head, burn it down, go on! [Chorus]