Suburban Legends - Desperate lyrics

What the hell is wrong with me? I'm in a band, ladies can't you see Please don't judge me by the car that I drive Or the fact that I haven't had a date since '95 Come on, don't go away Don't listen to your friends when they that I am gay I try so hard but I just can't get no play Don't have any STDs Come on, I'm begging on my knees Come on get close just ignore the fleas We will take anything that walks . . Because we're desperate I know I'm not a handsome man Cuz I look like an ogre with a farmer's tan And every time the ladies see me and I'm walking their way They say, "Brian smells, everybody stay away" Oh ladies, can't you see I can't help it because I'm ugly But I'm in a band, don't that count for something Come on now, don't delay Cuz if you don't call then I'll probably rent-a-date And my tab keeps rising, cuz I do it every day Oh ladies, can't you see I'm in a band, why aren't you attracted to me? I don't care if you're underage Just as long as you'll be seen with me in a public place What's it gonna take? (What's it gonna take?) For you help me bake cookies? Doo-Wah-Doo Cuz I need to know I'm all hot and ready And I got to go . . Because we're Desperate Why oh why must I have this rash No girls talk to me they just step back Should I lift weights? Would that make me more s**ual? Maybe wear gla**es would that make me intellectual? Come on lets do it fast Cuz I'm all hot and ready and it just won't last And I got 20 dollars what can I get for that?