Stephen Sondheim - A Star Is Born lyrics

(spoken) March 12th, 1954 Hollywood, USA, is in an uproar (sung) What's the cause of the wild commotion in Starland? Is it merely another tantrum by Garland? Is it Beverly Tyler's return to the screen? Or the beguine begun by Nan McFarland? There's a rumor that the exciting event is Warner Brothers' reissuing Nora Prentiss Maybe Crawford and Stanwyck have launched a new drive To try and revive the loves of Martha Ivers, Thelma Jordan, Mildred Pierce, and Harriet Craig All these rumours are vague and untrue Then what's the hullabaloo? It's not the revelations of Garbo laying her soul bare Telling of her extreme affection for Colbert Nor is it the discovery that Elizabeth Scott really is not a girl Then why is Movieland in a whirl? What is all the to-do? It's the recent arrival of a rival to Merle I mean the earth-shaking birth of Kitty Lou Hollywood is all askew, topsy-turvy From Bine Venuta to Irene Hervey Everyone in Hollywood's gay For a star is born today Look at Hepburn weeping on Shearer's sables Vera-Ellen leaping on gla**-top tables Betty Grable kissing Al Faye For a star is born today Annie Miller has the gang responding To the urge of her taps Piper Laurie's on the urge of a total collapse Praise the miracle of a new star nearing Even Maggie Sullivan feels like cheering Joan Tone is telling Fay Wray That a star is born, yes a star is born today While her daddy's handing out the cigars Kathy Lou's getting presents from all the stars Everybody who's anybody has sent a gift by starlift Ethel Merman sent an ermine bib in mauve and blue Joanie Waynger's sent a manger lined with maribou Ann Doran sent the can aflit Irene Dunne sent a nun to baysit Swanson's set a pale magenta mink upholsetered car Rita Gam a silent samovar Oliv' de Havilland sent some gravel and Half a ton of tile, cement, and tar To pave the driveway 'round the home of our star Ona Munson sent a Bunson burner just for kicks Osa Ma**en sent a ba**inet and swizzle sticks Alan Ladd sent some mad perfume Myrna Loy sent a toy projection room Rossellini sent martini mix for formula Anthony Quinn sent a sequined bra A maid of Kit Cornell sent a doll that yells "Really, darling!" instead of "Ma" The perfect present for the budding young star Dottie Howard sent a flowered handkerchief of Mag's Rita Johnson sent a Ronson and a pack of f*gs Lucille Ball sent a calling card And the gun used in Sunset Boulevard Brenda Holden sent a golden mammal telephone Sylvia Sydney sent her kidney stone Laraine Durocher was strictly kosher, she Sent a case of Manischewitz wine The other stars are building Kathy a shrine But let's get back to Hollywood and Vine Ann McNulty, on her knees, lights a candle Whispers to her rosaries some new scandat Annie's only trying to pray For the star that's born today Lana Turner saw the tyke, called her Cheryl Said she looks exactly like Gary Merrill Gary thinks she looks like Turhan Bey The star that's born today Elly Powell's taking all her tap shoes out of moth balls, tonight While Veronica de Toth balls in utter delight Says Ricardo Montalbán, "Dinky's narrow But she'll have more children than Maureen Farrow All as talented as Ida K Like the star that's born, like the star that's born today" Although time is mean And though fame is void And though film turns green And myth's destroyed Still the day we've seen Kathy Lou employed On the silver screen We'll be overjoyed More like Lauriet Jean And like William Boyd She will be the queen Of the celluloid Burgess Meredith Even Hedy Lamarr And the D.A.R All the kin and kith Whether near or far Think Miss Hollarith Is spectacular Like Alexa Smith And like Deborah Kerr She's a junior myth And a friendly star So bring on the rhythm And the caviar And let's go! While the bits pour in from every major studio! Metro, after flying to scout the midwest Says that they are dying to bring that kid west Dore Schary wants to be called Doray 'Cause a star was born today Fox was given Katherine Lou's description She's replacing Brando in The Egyptian Paramount has bought the pa**ion play For the star that's born today Junie Preisser has done twenty-seven of her dazzling routines Junie's tired, but the jazz lingers on in her genes Busby Berkeley sound your horn, sound your claxon For today a star is born, out in Jackson, Mich Make a wish And wish that tiny star, well Be glad she's born beneath the star of Jane Darwell Shout hooray! A star, star, star, star is born today! Kathy Lou! Here's to you From Lena Horne And Phillip Dorn And Marion Lorne It's California's Lucky morn' A star is born