Stars Hollow - Mattering lyrics

I'm living in the uncertainty Of fair weather memories Constantly asking if I really remember Or if it's just from home movies I'm absent minded, present but lifeless And when I speak it's nothing of substance So I started drinking Because I thought I'd have something to say It just made me drunk and want to throw up And I'm still awkward And I don't think that will change I'm stuck in my ways, but that's okay It's not that bad, I'm just sick of feeling like I'm never in a solid state of mattering You see right through me I don't want to live in fair weather memories I want to know it's more than home movies And it f**ing scares me It fu*kING SCAAARES MEEEEEH That I'm never in a solid state of mattering