Stan Freberg - St. George and the Dragonet lyrics

[Narrator:] The legend you are about to hear is true Only the needle should be changed to protect the record [St. George:] This is the countryside My name is St George I'm a knight Saturday, July 10th, 8:05 pm I was working out of the castle on the nightwatch when a call came in from the Chief A dragon had been devouring maidens Homicide My job, slay him [St. George:] You call me, Chief [Chief:] Yes, the dragon again, devouring maidens The King's daughter may be next [St. George:] Mmm-hmm You got a lead [Chief:] Oh, nothing much to go on Say, did you take that .45 automatic into the lab to have them check on it [St. George:] Yeah, you were right [Chief:] I was right [St. George:] Yeah, It was a gun 8:22 pm, I talked to one of the maidens who had almost been devoured [St. George:] Could I talk to you, Ma'am [Maiden:] Who are you [St. George:] I'm St. George, Ma'am Homicide, Ma'am Want to ask you a few questions, Ma'am I understand you were almost devoured by the Ma'am Is that right, dragon [Maiden:] It was terrible He breathed fire on me He burned me already [St. George:] How can I be sure of that, Ma'am [Maiden:] Believe me I got it straight from the dragon's mouth [St. George:] 11:45 pm I rode over the King's Highway I saw a man Stopped to talk to him Pardon me, Sir Could I talk to you for just a minute, Sir [Knave:] Sure, I don't mind [St. George:] What do you do for a living [Knave:] I'm a knave [St. George:] Didn't I pick you up on a 903 last year for stealing tarts [Knave:] Yeah, so what Do you wanna make a federal case out of it [St. George:] No, Sir We heard there was a dragon operating in this neighborhood We just want to know if you've seen him [Knave:] Sure, I've seen him [St. George:] Mmm-hmm Could you describe him for me [Knave:] What's to describe You see one dragon, you seen 'em all [St. George:] Would you try to remember, Sir Just for the record We just want to get the facts, Sir [Knave:] Well, he was, you know, he had orange polka dots... [St. George:] Yes, Sir [Knave:] Purple feet, breathing fire and smoke... [St. George:] Mmm-hmm [Knave:] And one big bloodshot eye right in the middle of his forehead and Uh, like that [St. George:] Notice anything unusual about him [Knave:] No, he's just your run-of-the-mill dragon, you know [St. George:] Mmm-hmm Yes, Sir You can go now [Knave:] Hey, by the way, how you gonna catch him [St. George:] I thought you'd never ask A Dragonet 3:05 pm I was riding back into the courtyard to make my report to the lab Then it happened It was the dragon [Dragon:] Hey, I'm the fire-breathin' Dragon You must be St George, right [St. George:] Yes, Sir [Dragon:] I can see you got one of them new .45 caliber swords [St. George:] That's about the size of it [Dragon:] Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha You slay me [St. George:] That's what I wanted to talk to you about [Dragon:] What do you mean [St. George:] I'm taking you in on a 502 You figure it out [Dragon:] What's the charge [St. George:] Devouring maidens out of season [Dragon:] Out of season You'll never pin that rap on me Do you hear me, cop [St. George:] Yeah, I hear you I got you on a 412 too [Dragon:] A 412? What's a 412? [St. George:] Over-acting. Let's go [Narrator:] On September the 5th, the Dragon was tried and convicted His fire was put out and his maiden-devouring license revoked Maiden devouring out of season is punishable by a term of not less than 50 or more than 300 years