Stan Freberg - Shoot If You Must lyrics

M is for the many things I don't like Overk** is one of them, my dear T is for the train which I intend to grab H is for the head which I revere Did you say Shoot if you must? You are kidding, I trust Joan of Arc or Molly Pitcher I'm not What's more, the war's in the bag And you've got a spare flag But this is the only gray head I've got Shoot he will do When I throw him the cue And since when is getting clobbered a thrill? A hero I'd like to be But not posthumously Who needs to get bumped off In their windowsill? I hear Stonewall Jackson's Hostile through and through If the truth were known, he Hates his mother, too Just to stay alive Is this poor mother's goal But who stays Stonewall Jackson Practices gun control? Did you say Shoot if you must? You are kidding, I trust Go and book some other woman, I pray I've got a daughter and son I've just had my hair done And, brother, on top of that, it's Mother's Day Why should I become a sitting duck? What's the percentage, brother, in that? Go get some other patsy who won't mind a Big fat hole in her hat, 'cause this is my Only old gray head Call the D.A.R. instead And let them salute while they holler Shoot if you must