Slick Rick - Women Lose Weight (album version) lyrics

What a surpriser Open your eyes, a Woman advisor The name of this entertainment is Women lose weight Our first years of marriage everything was just great But after two kids And the weight gain factors Fact is, now she's completely unattractive Look, fat chicks I don't mean to sound rude I tell her nice, hit the gym And don't eat so much food But no... "You're shallow You need to run the course of unconditional love and so forth" But how if desire's not there That's just delayment Divorces, child support, alimony payments My unhappiness I doubt discourage So hurry for an easier way out of this marriage Meanwhile my secretary June, well groomed "When you gonna leave your wife?" I tell her soon, mommy, soon, I a**ume Or my destiny is blue Interestingly The only thing left for me to do is to k** her What a surpriser Open your eyes, a Woman advisor I'm gonna have to k** her Course there's laws which enforces divorces Send that a** right to the morgue miss k** her What a surprise Open your eyes Woman advisor I'm gonna have to k** her Course there's laws which enforces divorces Send that a** right to the morgue miss My plans against or shenanigans Kinda ran thin Knowin' nothing about poisoning And I can't swim Bad intentions pumping Might as well become numb Cut her lungs or the obvious robbery gone wrong But the catch is, do I have the nerve to dispatch this Who can I get to help me murder this fat chick Guess I'll have to play a dude robbin' on wednesday The day she usually goes food shopping Anyway, long story short, hit the side of her Chrysler Sent her clean over the divider "You ba*tard!" she said as the wreck went tumblin' down the hill I thought, "She has to be dead" Later on get a call (from a) Lieutenant O'Rourke (had me) leapin like a frog We need you at the morgue So I selfishly pursued "Boo-hoo" there was nothing else for me to do, I had to k** her What a surpriser Open your eyes, a Woman advisor C'mon y'all, you know I had to k** her Course there's laws which enforces divorces Send that a** right to the morgue miss k** her What a surpriser Open your eyes, a Woman advisor I had to k** her Course there's laws which enforces divorces Send her a** right to the morgue miss So you mean to tell me officer you don't have no clue who did this hit and run? No sir we don't have no clues right now This is terrible, what am I gonna tell the kids? Pull yourself together, sir I'm so broken up inside, I just can't believe this I understand, I understand Catch the person who did this We're gonna try sir Please Screamin' "Who done took my heart?" actin' shooken up a lot At the funeral, though everyone was lookin at me odd, like I did it Like I was the reason my mate's slain, murmuring "I heard he was displeased with her weight gain" While my secretary, sort of a s**y blonde can't cook All she does is order from restaurants "All of the s** you want" I doubt could address, clothes not washed proper and house look a mess and Talkin to detectives that was waitin' outside How I took a long lunch break day the wife died I darn near turned pale And because of betrayal they indicted me, gave me an impossible bail Good fortune to anyone admiring the rawtent Moral of the story is Desire is important So watch your weight It'll keep you mate smitten it's a given Though looking back I realised I didn't have to k** her What a surpriser Open your eyes, a Woman advisor I didn't have to k** her Course there's laws which enforces divorces Send that a** right to the morgue miss I k**ed her What a surpriser Open your eyes, a Woman advisor I didn't have to k** her Course there's laws which enforces divorces Send that a** right to the morgue miss Well there you have it Keep thin trim Keep your marriage healthy Do you know what I mean? Small message from Morcheeba and Slick Rick the Ruler Peace