Savage Ognar - Once Upon A Whopper lyrics

Once upon a time there was a kingdom of burgers named Burger King. It was the cleanest and best served Burger King in all of Nebraska. But times have been tough lately as a new kingdom has emerged across the street named White Castle. The ruler of this Burger King, King Larry needed a plan to increase business and put his kingdom on top of the throne once again. “‘Oh Fairy Mobfather, how shalt I increase thy business!” King Larry asked. “‘First off chyou don't have to tahk like that,” replied the Fairy Mobfather, “and second, chyou should get some some pretty-boy behind the countah like that one kid from Tahget.”' ‘“Brilliant plan!” bolstered the King “Find me the most handsome, unemployed man in Nebraska!” Then the fairy mobfather came back with 3 men, unfortunately for the King there's not too many handsome, unemployed men in Nebraska. “‘How bout the one in the middle,” said the King, “he has all of his teeth.” “That's why you brush your teeth boys! Yippee!” Shouted The Chosen One. “‘Hey King,” Said the Fairy Mobfather, “I have an offah that chyou can't refuse, let's give him a makeovah so this plan will work” “That's probably our best option.” Answered the king. So the Flying Fries magically gave the Chosen One a makeover. They bleached his hair, lifted his neck and straightened his nose until he looked like he could bring every teenage girl in the Omaha area over to Burger King. “‘I think he's ready,” Said King Larry “Ramon, put this picture of him all over the internet!'” “‘Now, this will put Myspace back on the map!” Said Ramon. “No no no!, Shouted King Larry, “Nobody checks Myspace anymore you goof!” So Ramon posted it on Google +, and someone who went on Google + posted it on Instagram, then it went viral. Business boomed, teenage girls all went to the Burger King and the lines went on for miles. King Larry also added Pumpkin Spiced lattes onto the menu so the girls would still buy something. Unfortunately the Chosen One (Called Matt from Burger King online) wasn't the greatest cashier. Ramon the frycook began to get frustrated when Matt wouldn't give him an order. Zeke the other cashier was also angry when he had an open line and nobody came to it, “It's because I'm black, huh!” Zeke shouted at the girls. Sally, another cashier, was happy because she was doing no work and still getting paid! Ramon and Zeke went to King Larry's office to complain. “$100, $200, $300…” Said King Larry counting his money. “‘Hey boss,” Said Ramon, “I don't like this new kids attitude.”' “‘Me neither,” said Zeke, “he must be doing something wrong if he's bringing in racists!”' “‘Shut up you guys!”' Shouted Sally. “‘I agree with Sally,” replied the King, “We've never had this much business!”' “‘Fine,” said Zeke, “but I got a surprise waiting for you.”' About an hour later a group of Civil Rights activists walked in. “‘We will not stand with this no more!” They screamed, “This is racial discrimination!”' “‘Oh my gosh, I can't even!”' Said a girl meeting Matt “‘You can't even respect an African-American man?” Answered the leader of the activists, “Shame on you!”' “‘Ugh fine.”' Said the girl and ordered a Mocha Frappe from Zeke. “‘Zeke!” Shouted King Larry, “They're not avoiding ordering from you because of your skin color, they all came to see Matt!” “Ohhhhh” Said Zeke. But the manager kept the activists there because if he shooed them off he would be perceived as a racist. But then a man stormed into the store with a revolver and placed a bullet right between Matt's eyes. “Birmingham all over again!” Shouted the activists. “Nice aim” said the Fairy Mobfather. So then the mobfather caught with the shooter. “I have an offah that chyou can't refuse.” Then the shooter became known as Alex From the Mob. The End