Samsa - Tinder Samurai lyrics

I like to think I'm well-equipped as any other average guy But I just can't discover love and I don't even set my standards high On top of that, I'm camera shy, maybe I should opt-out of the dating pool And be an undercover tinder samurai Cause I would rather type online than whisper in a dingy bar And swiping left and right could be my new bushido ninja star I'm well-versed in virtual lovemaking ninjutsu On every profile pic I post, I'm posing with my sh**zu Or flexing with my shirt off cause I heard that gets you hits too Especially OkCupid, I'm like Eros or the cherubs be I pierce hearts of women with my cursor and my arrow keys And disregard my Roman roots and choose a font that's serif-free Trust me I'm a tinder bio brainiac The way I kindle fire with matches, I'm a pyromaniac On christian mingle, I'm a casanova If ya'll don't think so, y'all can ask Jehovah Check your inbox, he might send an answer over I wish I had the muscles of a granite sculpture I would log on ashleymadison and bang adulterers I'm so lonely, I've considered farmers-only Just for someone's arms to hold me Also, I'm really big on agriculture But if I had that body of a grecian god I would trawl on pof.com and use it as a fishing rod And hope I don't get catfish The fact is if I did, I'd probably play along cause god knows I could use the practice And if I'm aching for my roots, I'd visit shaadi.com Message islamic wahhabi hijabi hotties “salaam” And sunni, shia, those are both denominations I respect Cause I just care for our connection I don't care about the sects Sometimes I uninstall my apps in reckless insurrectious rage Then regret it while I check the craiglist missed connections page Then I think that I should get out more and disregard my mobile cell Get to know the local teller at my barnes and noble well And check out what she's reading while she's charging up my total sale And ask her if she likes the novel And once she answers, ask her if wants to grab some coffee or some ice cream waffles She'd probably say that's awesome I'd ask her when she's off of work She might answer “midnight” I'd tell her that sounds awful What a bummer, and from somewhere I might muster up the nerve to get her number And I would ask her what her digits are And if I play it right then I can disregard my ninja stars Say sayonara to katanas and my other weapons too And try committing by committing online dating seppuku