Sammy J - Driving lyrics

Sometimes when I'm driving with my lady We'll see someone and say "Maybe We should run that person over." We're just joking, actually We simply find it funny The absurdity of running A complete and utter stranger off the road But just say maybe I was driving with my lady And we made our normal joke But then by sheer coincidence My steering spindle broke And we careered into the guy And k**ed him instantly And when the police arrived And asked us to describe The scene inside the vehicle just before the crash Would we tell him 'bout the joke? Would he understand Our post-modern sense of humour? Would the accident look planned? Would we tell him 'bout the joke? I doubt it And sometimes when I'm dining with my lady And we have an Asian waitress I'll say something pretty racist Like, "Should we go somewhere else?" The implication being I'm uncomfortable with seeing Asian people, which of course is not the truth But just say maybe I was dining with my lady And dropped my knife upon the floor But didn't see the Asian waitress from before Was coming over to a**ist While I was fumbling on the ground And being slightly pissed I flung my arms up when I found the knife And stabbed her accidentally in the face? Would I tell the judge about the joke? Would he understand That the joke was unrelated And I'm not a racist man? Would I tell him 'bout the joke? I doubt it And sometimes when I'm waiting with my lady At the airport for a plane She'll say something quite insane Like she's got c**aine up her a** Of course her a** is empty It just helps to pa** the time While we're standing in the line But just say maybe She went into the bathroom And whilst applying perfume Was set upon by drug mules Who forced her into putting Several condoms of c**aine into her bum And when they left her She went straight to the police Who came and found me and asked me If I knew about the d**? Well, I'd have to tell them 'bout the joke Honesty is best She said she had narcotics on her Well, I never would have guessed You think you know someone and then The b**h turns out to be a fraud Of course I'm just joking But please don't tell my lady 'bout that joke She wouldn't understand She gets upset when I discuss her in my songs And do you think that she'd forgive This breach of trust on one occasion If she saw you laughing at our jokes? I doubt it