(Romantic relationships are always available... at $75 an hour.) He makes me smile when I am blue He gives me answers when I really haven't got a single solitary clue He makes my troubles seem so small He so handsome, dark and tall He doesn't judge me when I regress His words are cloaked in tenderness He's the lover I've never kissed Oh, no... I'm in love He helps me strengthen my resolve There's not a problem he can't solve He's always cheerful, he's never a grouch Ooh, I wanna lay down on his couch We get along like soup and salad He rea**ures me that my anger is valid He thinks it's good when I get pissed Oh no... I'm in love with my therapist My friends encouraged me to get some therapy 'Cause when you left me I was such a mess I thought life held no more for me 'Til he opened up his door to me And I found myself surrounded by his sympathy He reinforces my self-esteem He likes to an*lyze my dreams He always listens when I speak I wish I could afford to see him More than once a week He lets me try out different roles He pushes me to set some goals Each hour we spend together is total bliss Oh no... My friends encouraged me to get some therapy 'Cause when you left me I was such a mess I thought it was the end for me 'Til he became a friend to me And I found myself astounded by his empathy He's got diplomas on his wall There's fresh-brewed coffee down the hall He's begonias on his window sill And kleenex enough for a nuclear spill He calls it "progress" when I cry Oh what a sweet and sensitive guy Why couldn't you have been like this? Oh no... I'm in love with my therapist