Dear Penthouse Rodney Carrington Dear Penthouse: Im a freshman at a small Midwestern university And I never thought something like this could happen to me When my teacher with the dynamite a**, asked me to stay after cla** And she started to undress I cant forget the statement she made If you drop you pants Ill raise your grade (Girl) Dear Penthouse: I never thought those letters were true until I was on a fishing trip and I met a girl named Jill We had a little too much to drink I couldnt believe what I was starting to think So we headed to her tent, theres nothing like eating out Though the next morning my mouth still smelled like trout Chorus Ive read every issue since 1974 The first two years behind the bathroom door I poured through every Penthouse I could find Even though my mom said Id go blind Dear Penthouse: Im a seaman first cla** at an overseas naval base Its been seven long months since Ive seen a womans face When I saw your recent issue, I took a box of Kleenex tissue And I locked the barracks door Thanks to you Ive gotten a grip, please excuse my jerky penmanship Chorus Dear Penthouse: Doing sports on the radio has always been my job Ive never wanted a man until I noticed BOB When were close I start to perspire His little buns set my loins on fire And I dream about the day hell say, Chick lets get undressed Name and address held upon request