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  1. Robert Lopez & Jeff Marx

  2. Avenue Q (Original Broadway Cast Recording) (2003) Lyrics
Robert Lopez & Jeff Marx - If You Were Gay lyrics

If You Were Gay lyrics

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Robert Lopez & Jeff Marx - If You Were Gay lyrics

ROD Aah, an afternoon alone with My favorite book, "Broadway Musicals of the 1940s." No roommate to bother me How could it get any better than this? NICKY Oh, hi Rod! ROD Hi Nicky NICKY Hey Rod, you'll never Guess what happened to Me on the subway this morning This guy was smiling at me and talking to me ROD That's very interesting NICKY He was being real friendly And I think he was coming on to me I think he might've thought I was gay! ROD Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this? Why should I care? I don't care What did you have for lunch today? NICKY Oh, you don't have to get All defensive about it, Rod... ROD I'm NOT getting defensive! What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay? I'm trying to read NICKY Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod I just think it's something we should be able to talk about ROD I don't want to talk about it Nicky! This conversation is over!!! NICKY Yeah, but... ROD OVER!!! NICKY Well, okay, but just so you know — If you were gay That'd be okay I mean 'cause, hey I'd like you anyway Because you see If it were me I would feel free To say that I was gay (But I'm not gay.) ROD Nicky, please! I am trying to read.... What?! NICKY If you were queer ROD Ah, Nicky! NICKY I'd still be here ROD Nicky, I'm trying to read this book NICKY Year after year ROD Nicky! NICKY Because you're dear to me ROD Argh! NICKY And I know that you ROD What? NICKY Would accept me too ROD I would? NICKY If I told you today "Hey! Guess what I'm gay!" (But I'm not gay.) I'm happy Just being with you ROD High bu*ton Shoes, Pal Joey... NICKY So what should it Matter to me What you do in bed With guys? ROD Nicky, that is WRONG! NICKY No it's not! If you were gay I'd shout hooray! ROD I am not listening! NICKY And here I'd stay ROD La la la la la! NICKY But I wouldn't get In your way ROD Aaaah! NICKY You can count on me To always be Beside you every day To tell you it's okay You were just born That way And, as they say It's in your DNA You're gay! ROD I am not gay! NICKY If you were gay ROD Argh!