Rob Maslanka - I'm Dope lyrics

[Verse 1] You know I think I'm cool, but I'm not On the internet looking at how to find a G spot I'm Google taught yo, so not strong When a fight breaks out I'm gonna call my mom It's Friday, and I want to get it on But instead I'm at home playing Pokémon Cause girls don't text me, so not s**y Watching my weight drinking Diet Pepsi And if you met me I'd probably talk about the weather Sipping on a girly drink they taste much better And beneath my sweater there's a mole on my back fat No six pack, I've been afraid that I'm probably gonna die in a natural disaster So I keep my legs shaved so I can swim faster Yaaaaaaaaaaa, I'm wearing two different socks And my heart's still racing from a balloon that popped [Hook] I'm dope, I'm dope, but just stems and seeds Fresh to d**h like a cat in a washing machine I'm dope, I'm dope, something's bong with me Cause all my swag was free from companies I'm dope, I'm dope, I'd fail a drug test clean Always sick like hypochondriacs with STDs I'm dope, I'm dope, as dope as dope could be Cause dope stopped being dope last century (I'm dope) [Verse 2] Gurl, you can never be this suave Got a Bang Bros. shortcut on my desktop Cause I'm ballin' but, I can't dunk A three-year member of Oprah's Book Club I'm just a f*ggy rockstar with a tattoo'd arm Making crappy rap songs over sh**ty guitar I'll never ball so hard, I'm a sensitive guy I always end up crying when Mufasa dies So it's no surprise that I can't lift sh** Even my mom thinks I'm a weak a** b**h I'm still living at her house in a basement I'm even awkward when I'm talking to a waitress Ahh but I'm awesome, I'm the greatest I only had 2 beers now I'm wasted Ya, let's face it, I wear bracelets Most likely getting laid using Craigslist [Hook] [Break] I'm part of Love Club, not Fight Club I fit in bathtubs, not nightclubs And I'm bad at flirting drunk or sober But I know what to do when zombies take over So even when I'm lucky and I'm dancing with some chickas All my dance moves look like robots having seizures Hair stays spiked cause it's not clean Haven't showered in a fortnight, Maybelline Is what I use to cover up Mark me absinthe, I'm still drunk In my duvet bedspread, all day bed head White girl wasted like hamburger bread gets Rockstar life, everyday Except I'm broke as f** and I don't get laid I'm like Macaulay Culkin when I have s** Cause home alone is when I do it best [Hook]