Ray Stevens - The Ballad Of The Blue Cyclone / The End? lyrics

Blue Cyclone, Oooh... Well my wife went out of town 'bout a year or so back And left me at home by myself to batch And after five straight nights of TV I was ready to scream So I called up this beer drinkin' buddy of mine And said, "Bill, I ain't havin' a real good time." He said, "Why don't we go to the wra**lin' matches and let off A little steam?" Now I'd never seen the matches before And by the time we reached that arena door The crowd was already backed up plumb out into the street Yeah, people were pushin' and shovin' like cattle Just gettin' in line was a heck of a battle We had to fight like the devil, but we finally got ring-side seats Well, we bought a program as we pa**ed through the door Went to section D, seats 3 and 4 And about that time, the announcer stepped into the ring He said, "Tonight's the greatest card ever been signed We got a tag-team match that'll blow yer mind!" Then they lowered the lights and the crowd began to scream He introduced the Spider from parts unknown With his trusty partner, The Blue Cyclone They were takin' on a team that never had been beat Then the ref checked 'em over and the rules were explained And somebody hollered, "THE SPIDER'S GOT A CHAIN!!" Then some old lady with blue hair fell right out of her seat Well they rang the bell and all Hell broke loose My legs was shakin' like a rubber goose I'd never seen anything like this, not even in the war! The Cyclone put the Vulture in an airplane spin Then he body slammed him, and then he did it again I swear I didn't see how that 'ol boy could take much more It was right about then in the thick of things That my buddy Bill threw a chair in the ring And I knew we'd better be headin' for the door 'Cause I saw the Cyclone lookin' at us And he was rubbin' his head and he's startin' to cuss And I knew if he caught us he'd break Bill's neck for sure Well, where we parked wasn't too far And Bill ran so fast he beat me to the car Locked the doors and wasn't about to let anyone in And I turned around and the Cyclone was there And he said, "Hey punk, you forgot your chair!" And by the look in his eyes, I knew that this was the end Then he body slammed me two or three times And he put his arms around me from behind Then he pile-drived me right there in the hard concrete Broke both my arms and three of my ribs It's the closest I've ever come to being k**ed And that's the last thing I remember 'fore he put me to sleep Blue Cyclone He's the meanest rascal the ring has ever known He'll make you groan, he'll make you moan He'll lay you prone and break your bones Blue Cyclone.... I woke up in a hospital bed Stars a-circlin' around my head And a plaster cast on just about every bone But the doctor said I'd be just fine "These things just take a little time..." And three weeks later, he let me go back home But I laid in bed three weeks just thinkin' "I believe I coulda took him if I hadn't been drinkin' So the next time we meet, I won't be on no binge "Cause I hadn't been the same since we had that fight And I'd see that Cyclone in my dreams at night And I won't be satisfied 'til I get revenge..." Well, the first thing my wife said when I got home Was, "You'd better leave that Cyclone alone" She said, "You might not be so lucky next time." So, I says to her, "Beg your pardon, ma'am But it wasn't YOU who got the body slam," Then I changed the subject, 'cause I done made up my mind Then I called up Bill and told him my plan And all he said was, "Right on, man! I'd do the same durn thing if it'd been me It all happened so quick when that car door slammed It musta broke something, 'cause the door locks jammed You was already down, he's gone time I got free." Bill said, "Since yer thinkin' 'bout takin' him again I know two ol' boys who weigh 210 They'd wade through hell just to fight a circle saw They both lift weights, so you know they're mean And the four of us would make a heck of a team We might not win, but we'd durn-sure fight to a draw." Well, we talked it over, they said they's willin' They'd stop at nothing, short of k**in' Said "Hoss, we'll back you as long as you wanna fight." So I checked around at a few of the bars And found out where all the wra**lin' stars Hung out after the matches every Wednesday night Well, I got there early the following week And found me a table where I could see the street And waited for the Blue Cyclone to hit the door Well, after a while, he finally appeared Sat down at the bar, and ordered a beer And he barely took a sip 'fore I stepped to the middle of the floor I yelled, "Hey Cyclone! Remember me? I'm the guy you put to sleep Only this time, you can see I'm not alone. Ha ha You see them two big dudes over there?" The Cyclone looked and said, "Over where?" And I turned around, and I'm a son of a gun, they was gone! Then the Cyclone looked at me and grinned And he said, "Okay punk, here we go again It seems to me that some guys never learn." And then he waded through them tables and chairs Put a full-nelson on me, and grabbed my hair And when he threw me to the floor, I was starting to get concerned Then came a birrage of judo chops And I was beggin' somebody to call the cops Before the Cyclone could commit a mortal crime I sure breathed a sigh of relief When I heard them ambulance sirens scream 'Cause I'd be dead now, if they hadn't gotten there on time The next thing I remember, they was carryin' me in And the doctor said, "Oh no, you again?" I said, "Doctor, how long you thing it'll be this time?" He said, "Boy, if you don't leave that Cyclone alone One of these days, you ain't goin' home! You'll need the undertaker's services, not mine." Blue Cyclone He's the meanest rascal the ring has ever known He'll make you groan, he'll make you moan He'll lay you prone and break your bones Blue Cyclone The Blue Cyclone