RandomBlackDude - Honestly lyrics

Eyo darkness circles luminescent useless confusion of ghoulish essence Questions that question my view of ethics....it's Self obsession,self hate and shelved depression I'll k** myself off of twelve depressants Im disheveled at the delicatessen I ate the bread of oppression and helped the evils in my head of suggestion Suggesting a presence presented as something deeper in monotone a monolithic creature Demonic in its features These devilish darts shoot through the speakers In school I would take acid in the bleachers Channel my smarts and stick to teachers but all the while n***as couldn't teach us being taught but n***as couldn't teach us How to really cope with reality my happiness is nothing but a fallacy Dysfunction in my family d**h is recurrent and it's a tragedy If I was next would n***as just be mad at me? I've been suicidal ever since a young age Hyperactive deficit constant motion moving tryna shun rage Choke myself like...David Carradine And douse myself in kerosene Eight years old and undergoing therapy Puking up my vegetables consumption of the depakote Abnormal breathing sonics through the stethoscope Teacher sent a message home he's moving like a metronome Out of pocket never kept the weapon shown Packed a knife he always kept the weapon holmes Step and he would cut ya neck in sections holmes n***a always been a skeptic though Kids would belittle him little and taking ritalin it riddled him adderall extensions that would fizzle him This was when he first showed the symptoms of behaviors... He never knew would make him something stranger His mother used to beat him..so badly at times his eyes was bleedin But she was young and maybe there was reasons One day she moved away for like...two or three years Salvation came whenever he would see tears escape from darkness even in his in teen years I'm talking bout my grandpa Gave me wisdom partnered up with grandma But damn pa.... sh** is difficult after my grandpas pa**ing I hit the mic and grab it with a pa**ion And n***as barely listen.... These n***as they barely listen I swear to god I pray they pay attention n***a I try aesthetics....displaying flair but if I die forget it Cause I ain't nothing but a diabetic I wanna cry but n***a I'm eclectic It's hectic I'm really on some next sh** Laughing with a razor to my neck sh** Venopuncture numbers of an*lysis would indicate dialysis In the future but I always challenge this I'm breaking at the surface Whenever I feel worthless I eat a bunch of candy on purpose... Constantly I'm calm on some berserk sh**....only if you knew just what this smirk meant Peaceful creature livid on some jerk sh** My thoughts of self are really on some hurt sh** If I don't die I'm finna murk sh** I've got friends that's on d** that's worse than the ones that a n***a rap about Buying d** with money from their cash accounts I cry inside but outwardly I laugh it out... I know it's not funny... I'm drinking coke until I'm pa**ing out Spastic route what you askin bout? My life's a fire in a plastic house Woozy with the matches out And honestly The few n***as that I f** with...wanna dodge me on some punk sh** By my lonesome loathing on some drunk sh** I never sailed,I just sunk ship drowning drowsy lousy tryna function I like...meditation but really no hesitation I'd love to overdose from medication It's devastation my head is racing They'll find my body stiff in animation Cold as ice just frantic in the basement I hate this Pull a gun and give myself a facelift I'm really feeling like I ain't sh** I've got four sisters and they're all getting older... They're Angels but the devils at their shoulders I'm losing all composure But if I die then where's the closure? Both of my brothers better be some soldiers A n***a asked me if I'm feelin myself and with a laugh I said "I'm k**in myself" My life's in pieces but who's willing to help? I always try to keep my feelings in stealth but on the real this sh** is stealing my health I almost flatlined the last time Out of 12 months I spent the last 9 Off and on of gurneys Seeing bad signs Neglecting vitals idle rivaled stifled Tryna pa** time In honest hopes that I would f**in flatline Just thinking "that's fine" A year later and I'm going through the same sh** I can't f**in take this I hate this Bloody in the shower taking great wrists (risks) Picking up a razor going ape sh** And every day it's just the same sh** No sh** I'm a grave danger to my health Why else would I i k** you and jump in the grave to bury myself? Words of encouragement come from Eminem It's sickening standing in the mirror With a vicious grin Kidneys screaming while I'm eating M&M's What a ridiculous predicament