Random Encounters - Resident Enis lyrics

[Mark] Oh, you'll need a band-aid on that [Dodger] Or a bu*t-load of iodine [Dave] I'm not gonna make it, am I? [Dodger] Nope [Mark] No no no, you're gonna be fine. Look, we're gonna stay the night here, your gonna get all better, it'll be just like a sleepover. [Enis] I love sleep-overs! [Mark] Vampire! [Enis] Where? Oh, you smell... good? [Dodger] Mark, you got to k** the last one [Mark] No no, no that was a warlock, this is- [Enis] A devilishly handsome sparkly vampire. named Enis? [Mark] Shut up [Enis] Is he gonna be okay? [Mark] I dunno, you tell me [Enis] Well, it looks like he's been bitten by a hellhound so, probably not [Dodger] Cool, so I'm just gonna k** this guy [Enis] Wait wait wait wait, I can SAVE your friends life [Dodger] How can we trust a blood s**ing vampire? [Enis] Simple! I'm a vegan! I don't eat anything with a face! I generally tear the face off first [Mark] Oh, I feel safer already [Enis] I can fix your friend up lickity split! I just need to grab my magical spell book! [Enis] Chapter Fifty-four, page one hundred and five: "Create a Hellhound Antidote and Keep Your Victim Alive!" It says to cover one eyeball, and the other one, too. [Dodger] What for? [Enis] That's what the book says to do! We'll need a pile of raisins and a magical word... I like to use the term, "linguine," cause it's pretty absurd! And once we've found ourselves some raisins, pour them into a shoe! Then flick your ear- ...that's what the book said to do... We have to iron a cactus! Stick a bee in your nose! And then we'll eat a plate of flapjacks! Draw some faces on toes! We'll all hold hands until they're sweaty! We'll pretend we can fly! And if we don't... ...we'll DIE! ...I made that part up. Here! Hold this! [Mark] It looks diseased... [Enis] Now you take a creepy baby doll and shake it all around! Then you shriek like a weasel while you flail on the ground! And once you've done that for two hours, throw the baby down the stairs! Then we'll hit each other with metal chairs! [Dodger] I'm second guesses 'bout this spell casting stuff... [Mark] Okay, I found a couple tutus- [Enis] -That's not NEARLY enough! Next we'll scatter someone's ashes as we throw a parade! And then we'll sit and have a séance while we're playing Old maid! Wear a big hat! Drink from this jar! [Mark & Dodger] None of this song makes sense so far! [Enis] I hope I have some CHICKENS left! [Mark] I don't know what he's up to, but it's certainly weird... [Dodger] He keeps asking for toenails- [Mark] -And a leprechaun beard! [Dodger] I don't think we should trust him; he's completely insane! [Mark] And all the nonsense we're doing seems expressly inane! [Dodger] We should TOTALLY KILL HIM! [Mark] Yeah, it seems like you're right! [Dodger] I mean, he looks pretty puny... [Mark] Won't be much of a fight! [Dodger] We can sneak up behind him! [Mark] Drive a stake through his heart! [Dodger] Do your worst! [Mark] Ladies first! [Mark & Dodger] If you won't impale him, then Enis will start a new verse! [Dodger] I might cut his head off [Mark] He's a vampire, won't necessarily k** him [Dodger] It'll definitely make playing the kazoo a lot harder! [Enis] We gotta whittle a pickle, eat some Parmesan cheese! And then we'll all watch a movie! "OH NO, NOT THE BEES!" [Enis] And next we take out the garbage, summon Hellbeasts from space! And then when the portal closes, pull his sleeve up to expose his wounded arm and kiss your friend's dead face! [Mark] What? [Enis] Kiss his face... [Mark] No! That's disgusting! [Enis] It's what the book says to do... [Mark] We did like, five-thousand things from the book! Okay? [Dodger] Okay, could we like, eat part of him? [Mark] NO! UH! [Dodger] I'm just tryna help... [Mark] Okay [Dodger] I ship it [Mark] He's still dead! [Enis] Are you sure he's not just sleeping? [Mark] You have five seconds to fix this [Enis] Oh! Wait wait wait! I was reading the spell... backwards! Okay, everybody! One more time! In reverse! [Enis] Let's expel our space-bound Hellbeasts! Then we'll take out the trash! We'll watch a flick and eat some cheese and cut a pickle and dash- -inside to play kazoo and wear a hat, use metal chairs like baseball bats and flail and fly and paint all your toes! We'll eat some flapjacks and stick bees in your- ...nevermind... We'll grab a shoe to fill with snacks and flick your ear with sneak attacks! And scream "LINGUINE" to the max! So here it goes! [Mark] He's still dead [Enis] Really? Weird. Backwards usually works... [Dodger] Okay. Well. This was fun. See ya Dave, sorry your still dead [Mark] You su*k at being a vampire! [Enis] I appreciate your honesty! You guys want some music for the road? [Mark] Shut up [Enis] You wanna hear my yodeling? (yodeling) [Dodger] No one likes you! [Mark] You smell like an an*s!