Quikstik - It's Not About The Coke: The Rap Genius Story lyrics

SCENE 1 The movie is like LOST, it jumps around from character to character. SCENE 2 INT. STEPHEN NIDAY'S BEDROOM MUSIC CUE: Any Kanye song Transition from scene one (Maboo) to a house in the Southern United States. Cut to to a bedroom, slightly unkempt, littered with various sorts of producer gear: a Mac, a few studio mics, a ba**, an MIDI keyboard. The scene is one of squalor but with a tinge of an almost bohemian creative environment. STEPHEN NIDAY throws off the blankets from his bed and flops his legs over the side. (Close-up of feet entering slippers.) He grabs the Mac, flips it open, and types a few things into the computer, yawning. He yawns, but then (cut to closeup of eyes) his eyes go wide; his hands open and drop the computer; he begins to jump on the bed feverously. NIDAY YES!!! NUMBER fu*kING ONE KANYE SCHOLAR!!! (pause) IN YOUR fu*kING FACE, MABOO! R-I-TO-THE-fu*kING-P, b*tch!!! YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!! SCENE 3 EXT. SDVG'S BASEMENT SDVG, a teenage boy, sits in a room with faux wood-panel walls, surrounded by lovingly-arranged memorabilia from the blackface era. He holds in his hand a compact, metallic purple digital camera on a lanyard strap. SDVG Sis! (pause) SIIIIIIIIS!!! SISTER (yelling down stairs) WHAT?! SDVG (pause) …I need a new f**ing avi! SISTER Take your own f**ing picture! I'm watching American Horror Story! SDVG C'mon, sis! You know the deal! You give me profile pics for my SDVG account, I give you ones for your Mykro account! Respect the deal! CUT TO EXT. MFVOLTRON'S CASTLE MUSIC CUE: BLACK REPUBLICAN (INSTRUMENTAL) MFVOLTRON sits on a padded iron throne and sips fine wine underneath an MF Doom mask. He places the gla** on a platter, which is then carried away by a s**y maid. The chair spins around. He picks up a remote, and turns it on, activating multiple wall-mounted monitors, each displaying a different RG thread. His eyes scan them as if mechanically, then he pauses and his gaze widens (close-up of his eyes during this). MFVOLTRON Something is not right. There are multiple pages about Gucci Mane barely touched, several PoetryGenius threads ripe for moderate trolling, and Maboo is nowhere to be seen. (Slams his fist down) SERVANT! (A young butler promptly appears behind the throne, kneeling so that his eyes do not make contact with the screens). BUTLER: Sir? MFVOLTRON Bring to me my cell phone. I must make an important call. BUTLER: Of course sir. MFVOLTRON looks down at a lower screen. MFVOLTRON Huh. I've been editored again. (Butler returns with a Nokia 3310. He is struggling with its weight). MFVOLTRON (Lifts the phone up with one hand) Weakling. (Dials) CUT TO A SHARK TANK A single rotary phone rings off the hook beside a shark tank. A poolside attendant answers it. ATTENDANT Hello? MFVOLTON Yes, I need to speak with your master. ATTENDANT Oh. Hello, MFVoltron. MFVOLTRON Do not give me lip, fool. I need to speak with the fish. ATTENDANT Is it about the fish? MFVOLTRON (Gets out of his chair and slams his fist through a screen) DAMN YOU, CRETIN! THIS IS NO TIME FOR JOKES ABOUT YOLA! MABOO MAY BE MISSING! (The attendant, now concerned, calls out into the pool. A single shark swims to the fringe and sticks it's head out). ATTENDANT He's to the phone now. MFVOLTON Sharkboi? Hello? SHARKBOI What up, tho? MFVOLTON Maboo is strangely absent. Gucci Mane lines untouched, PoetryGenius threads untrolled. This is not like him. Have you any clue as to where he might be? SHARKBOI Beats me. I'll contact Lemon, see if he's heard anything. Don't speak of this to the whitehats, we don't need to alarm them. MFVOLTRON Absolutely. Keep me posted. (Looks at the shattered screen) Aw, f**. Someone else needs to write a few more scenes about characters. Then we need to collabo and bring ‘em together. SCENE 4 No movie can be great without a good flashback. Insert Iranian backstory to Maboo's fascination with Rap Lyrics SCENE 5 A high-level government bureaucrat (played by Mandy Patinkin) sits in an office trying to transcribe Young Thug 1017 lyrics to azlyrics.com when an an*lyst bursts in with a laptop. an*lyst Hesitantly Sir, you may want to stop what you are doing. Govt Bureaucrat (Minimizes browser, removes headphones and reading gla**es. Young Thug's "2 Cups Stuffed" plays conspicuously through the headphones.) What is it Brooks? Can't you see I'm busy? an*lyst (Brooks) Sorry, sir, but we have major movement in the Kanye sector of RG, sir. I know you wanted us to keep you abreast of all the changes in the Kanye, A$AP, Kendrick, and Action Bronson sectors. Govt Bureaucrat f**, don't we already have that annotating ba*tard Maboo in custody at an overseas black site? I can't believe the incompetence of y— an*lyst (Brooks) No. There's a new number one sir. Take a look Hands over the laptop Govt Bureaucrat Goes pale and he reads through, rage begins to build This is worse than I thought! This level of hermeneutics cannot be allowed to continue. Didn't these songs just come out this morning?! Suddenly, he stands erect and throws the laptop across the room How can they... Brook, CALL IN SEAL TEAM SIX! an*lyst (Brooks) Sorry, they are en-route to Somalia. Govt Bureaucrat Ok, then, get Seal Team Seven... Camera pans out. A picture of the Govt Bureaucrat and Niday on vacation at an NMPA event can be seen besides the computer monitor Fade-out. Cue any song from Disc 1 of Wu-Tang Forever. SCENE 6 Stephen Niday wants to call Maboo to rub in his #1 Kanye status, but no one answers; this leads to Niday's quest to free Mabs from the custody of the po-po, aka Prison Break. He goes to recruit RG members to help save their leader. He goes to SDVG's house and is shocked to find out the terrible secret; he hangs out in the back of the lecture hall while is Malc teaching an advanced post-grad course on Pan-African Identity in the Hip-Hop World; Whale listening to cla**ical music conducting with his fingers like a total CAC; and so on. Like Wolverine recruiting all the old mercenaries to beat Stryker. When he gets to @EDDZ9000's house (as per request!) he is indifferent, in drunken stupor, Jay blasting on stereo louder than you can think. Imagine this discourse. EDD (slurred) Let that East-Indian muf**a rot for all I care. NIDAY (pause, laughs, looks EDD in eye) I may be an IQ who*e. (beat) But I'd NEVER let RG fam down. Not like this. NIDAY walks away. But then hears a voice call out behind him: EDD Wait… Niday… NIDAY turns around. I'm in. SCENE 7 INT. PRISON CELL MABOO paces fervently, alone in a prison cell. Suddenly, he stops, eyes widening as he comes to a realization. He SHOUTS loud enough for the prison guards to hear him. MABOO Hey, I want my phone call! Cut to MABOO at a payphone, checking over his shoulder to make sure no one is listening in. He anxiously dials the number. MABOO (Into phone) Yeah. It's me. Look they got me locked up here, I need you to get me out. (Pause) No, no, f** paying bail. Come in here and blow a hole in the wall like this is a Michael Bay flick. Got it? (Another pause) And while you're at it prepare a press release. You can quote me on this sh**, “Rap Genius will not shut down for anyone. You got a better chance getting a solid list from Complex than getting me to stop making annotations. IF THE GOVERNMENT WANTS TO GO TO WAR, WE CAN GO TO fu*kING WAR!” MABOO slams the phone down and looks over his shoulder again, visibly upset. Cut to MABOO back in his cell sometime later, sitting on a bed. Suddenly, he gets up with a start and stands back from the wall, up against the prison bars. Just then, the wall EXPLODES and a helicopter can be heard. Three SOLDIERS in full battle gear wearing masks jump into his cell. MABOO Not bad. Not bad at all. The lead soldier peels away his mask. It is NAS, standing there holding an a**ault rifle. NAS Let's go Maboo. We got song pages waiting. MABOO and NAS fist bump. MABOO jumps out the whole in the wall, followed by NAS and the two soldiers. SCENE 8 Luxurious 18th-c. interior; walls hung with family portraits, mahogany furniture. @HailTheKing sits at his desk, a leather bound tome open beside him, slowly typing on his computer. Enter his BUTLER. BUTLER Four gentlemen to see you, sir. NAS bursts in, followed by two other black-masked soldiers and MABOO. NAS Mind if we lay low here a while? HAILTHEKING Mahbod!? I thought you were in gaol? SOLDIER 1 He was. But we couldn't let him stay there. As long as there are texts to annotate, Rap Genius must endure. SOLDIER 1 peels off mask, revealing face of ALISON BRIE. HAILTHEKING I… er… well, I suppose you must stay. Will you join me in a drink? Turns to butler. Brandy all around, Ptarmigan. Exterior, HAILTHEKING's estate. Lush gra**, topiary hedges, carefully curated woodlands, cla**ical statues. Camera pans into summerhouse. ALISON BRIE and MABOO are making sweet, sweet, love. Roll Credits CLOSING MUSIC: HATE ME NOW by NAS