Q Strange - Final Note lyrics

To whom it may concern Can you please forward this note To my family and friends Here's my last words before I go I know this is a shock And to some maybe it's not But this pain inside my heart just refuses to stop So I feel I have no choice it's time to take drastic measures Impossible to deal with all of life's daily pressures Unless it's under the influence look what i've become I've turned from straight and narrow to a drunk f**in' bum It doesn't ease the pain in fact it makes it even worse I've tried turnin' to god but it seems like i've been cursed All my life I caught a raw deal one after the next Time after time why is my life so complex? I never get ahead I keep slippin' down a spiral I hide the pain inside when you see me laugh and smile And makin' others laugh with my jokes and my comedy Actin' like the emptiness inside don't bother me To my son, you're my world, the past few years was rough The only reason I was strong was because of your love Not it seems that you don't need looks like mom got it covered Cuz she got a new man and his son is like your brother So ya'll go on like family with me on the outside For every happy moment that I have there is a down side Now you're four so you'll adjust real fast And as time goes on you won't remember your dad The memories will fade as you grow each day And soon the very thought of me will just drift away Just know I love you son and i'm so sorry that I left But raising you feeling like I feel wouldn't be best Regrets I have a few but I learn from my mistakes You should learn from mine and do whatever it takes To be the best man you could be and take care of your mother I know cause I lost mine and you never get another Speakin' of your mom, Heather this isn't your fault I know you might feel guilty but you shouldn't at all Yeah we had our ups and downs I think we just grew apart We settled down too young and we both got broken hearts I might have said some hurtful things to after you hurt me But I didn't mean them we had a really nice journey I never had a girl after we split cuz I was tainted It's sort of funny how a person's feelings change ain't it? You were my one true love though and i'd do it all again Just to have them feelings that I had back then But you knew from the beginning that my head wasn't right Neither was yours but maybe that's why we were so tight But tell our son about his father and don't let him forget him Tell him that i'm flyin' with the angels now in heaven Not that I beieve that thats where i'll be They say when you take your own life you burn for eternity But honestly I just believe that i'll get buried and rot I guess i'll find out if there really is a god or not And if there that'd be great wouldn't that be hot though? To see mom, my grandfather and uncle Rocko See my man Mo Deuce once again and we could rock it Open up for that Big Pun/ Big L concert Ha And to my cousins to my brothers Mikey and D I know another loss is like all you really need But we always came together when them times they got tough You true dogs for real ain't nothin' like that love I'm leavin' all my musical equipment to you guys Maybe learn how to use it, keep my music alive But at times we had doin' our thing with Q Strange You believed more for me that I was headed for fame And underground sensation that would never blew up I'm just happy in this world that my songs got bumped To my grandma as if you ain't through enough I'm so sorry but I thank you for your endless love Took me in as a child when my moms was an addict You gave me a great life and otherwise i'd never have it You were always there helpin' me throughout my whole life A home cooked meal and solid words of advice You helped me more than you know so for that I must thank you I was blessed to have you as my guardian angel To all of you and other y'all know who you are I'm sorry if you're sad but you know i'm never far When you're lookin' at my photo or you listen to my songs Keep my memory alive even long after i'm gone This was the only way I could escape from all this sadness The hole inside my heart I could not fill and it was madness For many years I tried to just control these feelings in me They always took control ain't no doctors could have fixed me It don't feel good to change the hand that I was dealt Unless it could erase all this pain that i've felt I can't explain it in a way that people can understand Just know that where i'm goin' is still better than where i've been And with that I say goodbye I love you all as much as possible Take care of each other love forever Joshua P.S. don't shed no tears for me... this is an end to my suffering