Penhead - Hostilities in Me lyrics

[ VERSE 1: Penhead ] It seems I have to chase paper To truly be a player Seen in the streets of South Acres Young buck, wasn't gullible Backed out a scuffle or two One day I knew I'd be untouchable My grade school days left me troubled I got swooped when I rumbled And became scared to throw my knuckles Did you have the days you feel like no one loves you This place is the jungle, the streets inferno Has temperatures to burn your cajun black Caged in a trap waitin to snap Losin control, cruisin low with LB in the flow Comin to get me to smoke That's my folks, he knows my pain Remember when I dove in the flames No gold chains, just anger Slowly turnin into a gangster Dealin with all the heartache Watchin my n***as be incarcerated Can't take it but I face it It's a challenge, though My style is authentic, I'm still in the cut You could say a diamond in the rough Tryin to come up as a young buck I was pissy drunk in the club With blunts in the club Love Harrisburg n***as for that My people period Through the years I became fearless Ms [Name] used to talk to me Our conversations would usually dawn on me Tellin me to stay away from foolishness Before I was on some Nelson Junior sh** Her words inspired my music Lewis trained my eyes to see the games people play I can see if cats is real, I can tell if they fake So watch what you say a**umin sh**'s sweet n***as can't see the hostilities in me [ Chorus ] Things ain't always what they seem There's a reason why I'm smokin weed Things ain't always what you think See the hostilities in me [ VERSE 2: Mr. Blackston ] Dear God, am I that bad of a man? Do I deserve all this mysery I've had in my hand? Don't I deserve all the blessings that I've never received? All the people that I loved that just never believed All the times that I could have been Satan's willing apprentice He sings relentless in the form of a merry temptress Kids at home, do not attempt this I'm a professional with strong defences Look through my lenses, know what revenge is It's what you feel when living in trenches has knocked you senseless You wanna teach these n***as and wenches what hell's stench is I know I'm bitter, but endless tears make my heart wither Starin for hours in a dark river Dreamiin of leapin off the deep end My soul's weak as weekend to weekend Inside the wind I hear my destiny speakin Tryin to reach this dream the best in me seekin But my stress seems to steepen My face is smilin but the rest of me's weepin Cryin like a b**h at times in the darkest of hours Pain and liquor's all that Marcus devours But I gotta hold my hand toward the skies through hardest of showers My soul's a flower in the forrest of cowards Cause the hostilities in me [ VERSE 3: Penhead ] f** the world, who was there when I needed them? Dreamin of a way to leave my life and escape Seein my mother get abused by my father He had a drinking problem, now I think about it It left a pain in me, what could I do in family feuds The baby of four children, livin with four women Three sisters and my mom who had to work two or three jobs To make sure the bills got paid Dad would wear his gambling face Every day of the week, weekends was spent ( ? ) Guess whisky was more important than his son and daughters Still remember him on a rampage Bein disturbed out my sleep by the rage No awakening from this nightmare In my bed I hear the door being kicked off the hinges I'm having mixed feelings now that I witness My father being arrested, now junior's left neglected In this cold world with no male figure to show me the ropes ( ? ) five-o My eyes was exposed to harsh realities early Why does a God show mercy So I'm left with nothing Still poor, still strugglin With a lot of pain inside of me Nobody there properly to father me So now the hostility's in me [ Chorus ]