We are the opening band We are here to do five or six or seven songs "Don't go too long, and get the hell off the stage" We are the opening band We're probably not the band you came to see tonight But it's alright, 'cause soon we'll go away And we're wondering, just where the hell's the sound guy? He disappeared just after we got up here He's probably behind the building rolling up a fattie And he'll be gone until our last song We got a VW van I had to sell every Star Wars figure that I had And ask my Dad to co-sign for the loan We don't got a whole lot of fans Nobody asks for our autograph And, sad to say, as of today, no panties have been thrown And we're wondering if this was worth the drive here We spent six hours in traffic on the highway For fifty bucks, and half price on the cheese fries And free Miller® Lite on tap Who can drink that crap? My cousin lives in town, and we'll be crashing at his place Unless his girlfriend's home from college and she's staying for the weekend And if she is, then we will have to go and park the van Behind the IHOP by the Turnpike And we'll sleep in the back seat And we're wondering just where the headline act is They're prob'ly getting wasted in the green room And they don't give a rat's a** who we are So when they start to play up here We're gonna drink all their beer We are the opening band We hope that all of you sign up on our mailing list And buy our disc and t-shirts (in black and gray) We are the opening band And we only got about 25 more minutes left That's all we get to blow your a** away We are the opening band We are the opening band Hello Hello Hello