I threw a monster party last Halloween night And invited all the monsters for a fun October fright All the famous monsters would be making the scene I figured that my bash would be the year's biggest scream I put out lots of Chex Mix and some rice Krispie treats The skeleton band was kicking out some spooky beats I headed to the dance floor, ready to get down But all the monsters just were sort of standing around CHORUS It was a lame monster party It was a lame monster party The monsters were boring, and the party really s**ed And nobody had any fun Nobody was boogie-ing or acting very scary The zombies kind of roamed around, texting on Blackberries Frankenstein showed pictures from his recent trip to Branson Wolfman argued macroeconomics with Charlie Manson When Jason wasn't droning on about Scientology He talked in painful detail about his vasectomy But Freddy Kreuger took the prize for testing our endurance Trying to convince the ghosts they needed life insurance CHORUS Damien wouldn't budge as he played his GameBoy The Mummy was doing sudoku Dr. Jekyll went and ate up all of the brownies And Dracula kept checking his MySpace account Leatherface, who showed up drunk, kept hitting on the witches And cornered everybody with his Amway sales pitches The Creature from the Black Lagoon was out in the yard Debating with Godzilla about Kirk and Picard Finally, I knew that it was time to call it quits When Chucky started reenacting Monty Python skits I learned my lesson—you can bet I won't do that again Next Halloween: just me and Igor, down at Bennigan's