In 2014 the world health organization released a report stating that at least 800,000 people commit suicide every year That average is to one person every forty seconds Statistically speaking, by the end of this poem four people will have taken their lives One This is not a list poem This is a eulogy for those swallowed by their own mind This is a call to arms, a call to speak This is not family gatherings when I mention mental health And then told not to spoil the turkey That it is uncouth Impolite That it is better to stay silent This is taking that silence and then breaking it with my hands With my teeth and tongue This is people with mental illness banging our heads against the walls Not out of Insanity But to try to make some noise To be heard Too often we are ashamed Too often we are in the shadows Two Suicide is not always a banshee wailing against your eardrums It is the child playing hide and seek behind your friend's smile They will not wear it openly They will not hold its hand and introduce it to you It is always invisible Suicide is a lonely ghost desperate to give itself playmates It is not a permanent solution to a temporary problem These are so rarely temporary problem It is aiming for a long night's sleep After years of insomnia It is a seduction of safety and simplicity Sometimes it is careful planning Drafting the note Inspecting the apartment for beams that can support your weight Or it is a flip switch Given the right trigger Or no trigger at all It is painting a target on the highway divider It is imagining the phone call my mother will get in the middle of a nap Sometimes it is sudden It is not always arriving Three The most convenient time of the clock keeps ticking Every forty seconds This is not a list poem This is the tea kettle rising to a soprano screech But you keep ignoring it to watch T.V. It keeps whistling and crying But you keep ignoring it How much noise do I have to make When we tell you that we are suicidal It is a cry for help But that's not a sign of weakness This is not a sign of weakness This is saying that we're fighting and we've been fighting with every weapon and fist we have We've crashed against the cliffside Broken and splintered But we're still fighting with whatever we can I'm using my voice That's all I have left Four Over the years I have written different versions of my suicide note On the nights I almost took my life I always deleted or threw away the note Rather than sending it or leaving it for someone I a**umed the words would just make them uncomfortable If I'm going to die Better to do it without all that fuss Better to do it in silence Hundreds and thousands of people are dying in silence And because of silence This is not a list poem This is saying we can keep each other breathing This is speaking louder than the stigma and hoping someone will listen