[PAULETTE] Elle, do you know the number one reason behind all bad hair decisions? Love! You're lost without your love Your heart is on the floor I can help you, I've been there before When I need to relax I just put on some tracks From this CD I bought for the store Isn't that relaxin'? It's called CELTIC MOODS When I'm lonely or feeling dejected I play this and it never fails I pretend like I'm in Ireland With Enya and the whales When my telephone gets disconnected Or I spend every night alone I pretend like I'm in Ireland Where the Irish bagpipes drone Smell the gra** as a rainstorm is ending People smile as I stroll past there farms With a red headed sailor named Brenden And we dance without moving our arms In a bar once I met this guy, Dewey And he bought me, like, fourteen beers And he told that he was from Ireland So I lived with him ten years If I squinted he looked like my sailor Through my boozy, delusional fog But he dumped me for some s*ut named Kayla Took my trailer and took my dog In Ireland they know how to love you You embrace in the misty Irish breeze And if your Irish boy tires of you You're allowed to shoot him in the knees Hey! You look like that poster for Ireland Long, blonde hair and that sweet, sunny face Oh, no, wait, that's the poster for Sweden Oh, screw it! I'll never see either place But a girl sweet as you has a future You have hope as each new day dawns Girls like you always get to see Ireland Give my love to the leprechuans