Open Mike Eagle - Four Years Old lyrics

[Hook] Cause there is something I should let you know It's my birthday and I'm four years old Let's start a chart Let's have a sing-a-long If you don't feel it then you must have been drinking wrong What day is it? Is it Saturday? It doesn't matter because to me it's St.Patrick's Day I'm a play darts and I don't even like darts I be a very small piece on that pie chart If I were at home I'd be in no less danger Drunk on the internet typing all my thoughts to strangers If I was in Philly I would say to Dennis I'll serve Patty's in ping pong or table tennis Frontin like you're as cold as me I'll play Big Buck Hunter and Golden Tee I'll order two shots of water in my tube socks I got ten bucks worth of quarters for the juke box I bet ya'll think I'm going to order 2pac And that's racist And that's tasteless I want some motherf**ing Clash because I'm wasted I'll Rock The Casbah and sock your grandma Now put your gla**es up I command ya Now put your gla**es up [Hook] Whether a beer of fermented orange peelings Either way it all starts with a warm feeling I get talkative The exact opposite of what I was walking in That's when it all begins I get the urge to bug girls I shouldn't call again Am I going to talk to Earl, man it all depends Did I eat dinner? Did I drink aqua? Is it top shelf liquor? Is it cheap Vodka? I'm a give you one rule that you gotsta follow Never ever buy booze in a plastic bottle I swear to god that you'll feel it in your a** tomorrow Gonna need an Alka Seltzer and a large Ginger Whether you carry cash, or you're a big card spender Don't forget to tip your motherf**ing bartender And don't pinch her in the rear Because then she'll disappear What you do is go and whisper in her ear... [Hook] Hey you with the natural hair I'm a stop the beat, look at and stare You've got a pa**ionate flair And you look like your vagina could capture a bear And I'm not intimidated I'd come up and holla but I've got a situation I don't really want to mention Let's just say you've got me at full attention How long can this rap last? Hopefully long enough to get me back to half mast Because if I go from this distance The whole damn club is going to know my business But I am coming over there I gotta know if the under is as fly as the overwear It doesn't matter if I get the cold shoulder there Because if it's cold, I'm a play polar bear [Hook] I had a Fat Tire with Sahtyre And then I rum pounded with Dumbfoundead Had some grain alcohol with Alpha Boss Then have a pour and sip with Lyraflip Some sh** with a gold emblem with Rogue-Venom And then three shooters with Eve Super Kept it dry though with Psycho Then I had a whole bottle of Jack to my goddamn self [Hook]