Okkervil River - Frontman In Heaven lyrics

I'm trying to transmute tap water into wine Out here, somewhere in this Las Cruces motel room The floor and ceiling vibrate so I can barely stand "Calm down", says the Sky Man, "you're injured" I dreamt last night I was halfway up the ladder to heaven And I shot up this morning with an attitude I charged through the city and I wandered the streets Trying to get answers with just my irresistible smile Shouting "who will provide the celestial blueprint we need?" Echoing voices zigzag in the night In and around forest-view apartments To crack a bay window and feel the fair winds She throws back her head and she lifts up her hands She drives herself into an amphetamine madness She says "Tell me, just tell me I was right" And she's taken all the wrong pills Her voice begins cracking Her eyes open, staring at nothing Do you get what I'm saying? I feel my heart beating I wonder how I couldn't keep it from coming on I want you so much in this wild desert heat that it's scary But I know I have done so much that could be construed as damage And there's something bad within me that makes me want to take advantage When you're tripped up, slipped up Blonde hair and black-lipped up With all those silk straps round your ankles I feel myself convinced we could do whatever all night It's high time we broke completely free of all control Hi there! How are you? Well I feel like my brain just exploded Tell all your girlfriends I'm beautiful, I'm beautiful, I'm someone Tell them it's breezy and warm down here in this strange place I will wake in the morning displaying the mark of a new man Whose whole world has altered in front of his stupefied face I recall when things were way more fun around here But the Sky Man reminds me I'm almost a ghost of myself It seems to me everything fine fell away I've seen the forests burn and learned you have to arm yourself It's gonna be a funky fresh Christmas and I dont think I can handle it When there's so little dignity in anything Do you feel what I feel? And Christ, will you watch my back where I do roam? To a room full of murderous boys with no songs of their own I feel sick, I feel compromised all the way down Like an eagle with all of its feathers plucked out Can you see it in your mind? I was inconsiderate and cold But I can change if it's such a big deal to you I watch the dying sun sink on those jerk-offs in their convertibles I went a little out of control, oh, with the boys out in the parking lot Loneliness blinded me, down in the peanut-shell bars Wild wild nights, heavy romance There was Percodan spilled on the dancefloor There were corpses in plain sight and they were just walking around And the good old boys on their leatherette Want a woman who was down for whatever I learned to be compa**ionate by watching those working girls smile Heaven was lying 'neath my feet like some wall-to-wall carpeting And sometimes I believe that there's actually no such thing as love And one of these days I might not be so good to you Can you see what I'm saying? Come and sit where I'm sitting, oh darling Because now I understand that it wasn't you who held me back There were forces beyond my control and maybe I held myself down All of that money it gets so hard to stay yourself around But girl, give me just one little chance Well, show me some trust again I will sing your soul far away, up to a sparkling star Where all our old frends will be waiting Hold my hand and sigh in a soft whisper That you don't just care about getting what you paid for And on the day that I finally die Well I just might start screaming In the one private instant I cross over that unseen line The last remaining species of birds will be singing away Singing goodbye to my tastes, and my face, and LA Goodbye to New Mexico and Texas When I'm gone, I know there will be some things I miss Hold me and help me remember Cause it's almost time We are born wired-up and our heads are all flooded with messages That get harder to pick out, except at the start and the end And you, my weeping friend I can't wait to describe to you what I'll see up there Though I'm sure it will be an adjustment There are voices calling me from down the hallway There are voices that filter up through the silence And "Calm down," says the Sky Man, "you're raving" So alright Nighty-night Nighty-night