Noir - 6.24.06 lyrics

I pressed my lips against the sunrise to witness the diamond sky While she stood by my side with tears in her eyes I turned to her and asked if she wanted to ride or drive But all she could reply was, “I want to die” She's three hits in and a funeral away All I want to do is leave but she's begging me to stay But the slits on her wrists are driving me insane I don't love you but I care too much to dissipate Julianna was a fiend born in broken dreams Just a hospital stay away from the obituary page Her walls were plastered with pictures of things that she would never see And all the people that she had wished that she could be Have you ever had a day where you just didn't want to be you? Well she felt that way about herself everyday I tried my hardest to compensate for her loneliness But kindness in this situation only leads to madness I met her in 05 on the 19th of October She wasn't trying very hard to act like she was sober I saw her clear across the room; she looked like an angel I swear Hours later she took me to her room and let me tug on her hair And something sort of sparked out of that nothingness Before I knew it, my heart was beating out my chest But soon I would realize that she was a f**ing mess I swear that she was a goddamn train wreck She had daddy issues that gave skyscrapers competition She had a fascination for all things ammunition She was Cinderella with a Rambo-style knife collection She spent her final days trying to prey on my attention But love is the one thing that I've always lacked And I never thought when she left that I'd want her back But then again I never thought she'd exit through a ceiling fan And I haven't slept for years ‘cause now all I think about is that I believe your d**h freed you from all the pain and the strife And all of the anguish that was in your life But I swear I tried my hardest to love you that whole time But it just couldn't be done And now I spend my time just getting high Trying to forget that you were ever a part of my life I think I believe in a hell, I visit it every night Just like how you used to paint your sins on your skin with a knife And I was the patsy for your existence The Joker in your deck, the sweat to your fever And it's not that I feel like something is missing I'd just like anything that'll turn my nothing into something But you are the cause for my indifference The pains in my chest, the latter of my insignificance My careless repertoire of laughs at my existence The crude and unusual way I go about living But just as you know there are worse things than d**h Like living your life with your back to the wind You have to embrace it and let it carry you away You have to let it fill you from within Let it fill your chest with life anew It will show you which road to choose And now that I know this is the answer Julianna, for my conscience your d**h has lost its luster