Five feet high and three feet wide No one's ever eaten the whole thing and survived It comes with a bucket of ranch on the side It's the Ultimate Sandwich (Dear God!) The Ultimate Sandwich (Oh sh**!) Its taste could drive a lesser man insane Served on wheat bread made from thirty thousand separate grains It was made by a demon in his kitchen of pain It's the Ultimate Sandwich (Sweet Christ!) The Ultimate Sandwich (f** Yeah!) Whoa-ho It's a sh**-ton of chicken On a dickload of ham An explosion of clams Whoa-ho Top that f**er with yams Now just add panther, bear meat, and duck And you've got a sandwich that I'd like to f**! I mean eat...what? The ultimate sandwich uses weapons-grade ham To awaken your pa**ions, make you feel like a man It's as dense as an anvil and as big as a raft Its sun-dried tomatoes grip the sides of my shaft Topped with man's hottest peppers on the world's coldest cuts It's time to get s**y, no ifs, and, or buts As I thrust deep inside it, bacon grazes my nuts It's the Ultimate Sandwich (Oh tits!) The Ultimate Sandwich (Hot balls!) Whoa-ho It's a legend of lunches The lord of buffets I could slam it for days Whoa ho It sets my patties ablaze It's time to stuff my stuff in its stuffing Ninja Brian for practice I nailed your blueberry muffins (spoken) Oh, but not the one you're eating right now, Brian. All right, I f**ed that muffin too. You gonna judge me? You gonna be a Judgey Jason about this? Ah! You have cleaved my entire body in half.