Naturalist - I Miss Everyone I've Ever Met lyrics

I grew up a preacher's son, casting out demons as hymns were sung. I was born a drug dealer's son, left in parking lots as business was done. I was raised by a christian mom who taught everything good came from god. "You can be whatever you want" is a lie I've been told since I was young I'm not afraid to die. I'm just afraid to live, to leave my soul exposed and to let anyone else in. I'm not afraid to love, I'm afraid to be loved again. Memories are my closest friends. I can't get comfortable in my own skin My past still haunts my dreams, how everyone I love never loved me. Countless possibilities of conversations that have ended in apologies. I'm tired of singing of hospital beds and how everyone I love has already left. If god has abandoned me again, he has left unannounced with my closest friends I learned I could more than myself, buried under blankets in the closet of my house. The same day I started smoking again, I broke down along with the tree limbs Conversation pieces and handfuls of pills. It's been a few months since I thought of k**ing myself. Conversation pieces and handfuls of pills. Another excuse down the therapy well Time heals nothing. It only replaces memories. I am but half a man plagued by regret and tragedy. Although I try, I can't forget. I miss everyone I've ever met