Natalie Marie Howell - The gril whoes broken and shattered for ever lyrics

The Girl Who is BROKEN and shattered for EVER by Natalie Marie Howell age 19 Introduction THE girl who is broken and shattered is me. Many people may not know it because they never listen. Some people may hear my voice but not really listen to it. Than some people listen but not care and then you have those people who say they care but can't bother to tell me anything important till last minute. This broken girl has been trying so hard to watch what she says and dose to certain people but now she's reached a point where it doesn't matter anymore. She's tired of waking up only to hurry up and get the chance to fall asleep and hope to not wake up again. You think she's ok on the outside but you have no idea what she's been feeling inside all this time in fact there's no words to describe what she's been feeling all this time. In this book you will know just about my whole life in detail to detail and hopefully all question's will be answered throughout this book. Chapter 1 coming into the world and growing up I was born December 14th 1995 in the Parkland hospital. Two months after I was born my lungs failed and my heart stopped I died for two hours. In that two hours this is what I could see and feel. I saw this light that was brighter than anything you could ever imagine. It felt strong and peaceful it was like someone was near or close by but all I could see was this bright light than it had a thin orange ring around it. A minute later there was a thin ring of fire than it disappeared and the light dimed and now I'm alive in this world. Of course I was in and out of the hospital I was sick every day had trouble breathing in fact there was a time when I was breathing through tubes because I had trouble breathing. When I was six or seven years old I went to court for it all no one didn't tell me at the time. Why I was there or what it was all about till years later. Point is after all that here I am 19 years later and this is where I been who I met and so much more. When I was in first grade I had to leave early one day to go have surgery my dad had just gotten to the school when we were coming in from outside. A bug flew right into my eye when I got to the door the boy that was holding the door had black hair shorter than me a little bit not by much and he just looked at me and said "I'm going to k** you." Did I do anything no did I say anything can't remember but if I did this is what I would have said. Go ahead I don't mind dying again. So than I left to go have surgery and spent about a week or so in the hospital. Came back and finished the school year off. Frist grade was over and we moved to Arlington. This is where I grew up. My second grade year was a bit rocky me and my brother Isaac didn't get along and another boy kept driving me insane just by saying one thing and one thing only. This boy named Devon kept saying Natalie guess who likes you or Natalie this boy or that boy said he likes you. You know how irritating that gets hearing it day after day? He just wouldn't drop it but its ok because while he was irritating the crap out of me I was living a whole nother life at the same time. See one day while my cla** was outside I was near the water park on the yellow swirl and a girl next to me was on the yellow ladder. Her name was Marissa and she asked me to play with her and I said yes than she asked if this meant we were friends and I said yea. Since than we been friends and became sisters. Time went on and our friendship grew stronger. Time went on and the more I was around people the more I couldn't wait to get away from life and the world. I remember the summer before I started 8th grade. Me and a girl named Adriana where friends until the day before she moved away. This is what happened she was wanting something to snack on case she packed up all their food for the day that they were leaving but at the time we barley had anything for our family and I tried to tell her that but she wouldn't listen. Adrianna asked me 3 times to go see if there was anything she could have something to snack on but we had nothing for her than she asked again and held onto my arm and wanted me to go look again she said she knew we had something in the house for her but really we didn't. So I started to walk away while she was still holding onto my arm and she fell on her back. Then she started yelling at me so I started to walk to the ditch and she followed me still yelling at me as if I couldn't hear her although really was trying not to. As soon as we stepped into the ditch she told me " I wasn't a true friend that I don't care about anyone else but myself" and I just walked off. Adrianna just kept yelling at me and following me finally I turned around and yelled "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME." She said" I want you to suffer the way I did I never felt so violated in my entire life". All I could say was" its a DAM SCRAPE ON YOUR BACK EVERONE GETS SCRAPPED AT SOME POINT ITS PART OF LIFE DEAL WITH IT" and started walking again. We get to the corner where there was an over growing tree at the end and I looked back and Adrianna was 2-3 feet behind me and on the other side so I pulled it back and let it go when I did that she screamed at me talking about how she got hit in the eye with a tree branch. Finally, we reached the bridge and we were on the right side of the bridge when she said “you think your life is so perfect well it's not and you need to stop pretending like it is case it's not. Well you can keep pretending your life is perfect while I live my non perfect life case least I can say my life isn't perfect." This time I had enough I said" B…. YOU NEED TO F….. BACK THE HELL UP CASE I NEVER SAID MY LIFE WAS PERFECT I DONT KNOW WHERE THE HELL YOU GOT THAT F….. UP IDA FROM BUT YOU SURE AS HELL DIDINT GET IT FROM ME. THATS FOR DAM SURE INFACT I CAN WRITE A WHOLE NOVAL ON EVERYTHING I WISH I COULD TAKE BACK. THE THINGS IVE SAID AND DONE BELIVE ME MY LIFE IS NO WHERE NEAR PERFECT I GREW UP IN A DAM HOSPITAL WHEN I WAS LITTLE I DIED WHEN I WAS 2 MONTHS OLD AND GROWING UP I WAS ON ASMA I HAD TO BREATH THROUGH TUBES AND HAD SURGURY IN 1ST GRADE." Then Adrianna said "who the f…. is you talking to like that case you're sure as hell is not talking to me like that". Then I said if "it bothers you that dam much whey the f…. are we still friends? “Then she said "I guess where not." Than we switched sides and she said "I wish you would regret this day that you will not sleep that you will feel bad about this day. " Next day she was gone we never talked it out. So I just held it all in till this day and still am holding it in because I will never let it go even if I wanted to I can't. The next week Jorden came around everyone called him "bb" though I have no idea why. Anyways Jorden has shot me with a bb gun, pulled my hair, hit me and bite my arm all case I wouldn't give him money I didn't have, I wouldn't have s** with him and I wouldn't go out with him. Frist off he was in elementary and I was in middle school at the time and I wasn't ready for all that. Than one day he was sitting underneath the bridge at the ditch with me he got scratched by a pointed leaf he said if he got scratched by a pointed leaf again I was going to be his slave and do whatever he wanted. He got scratched again but I was not about to be his slave or do whatever the hell he wanted. We left the ditch and he still tried to get me to have s** and or go out with him and every time I didn't give in he hit me slapped me and pulled my hair. One day he didn't just hit me he also bites my arm that same day. he said not to tell anyone and for a few days I didn't tell anyone. Course after that people just started irritating me, annoying, and was pissing me off all the time till I got to how I am now. In case you don't completely understand it maybe this next chapter will help in a form of songs. This next chapter is every song I wrote so far and is already typed up and posted on a site called rap genius hope this helps u to understand my life story.