Natalie Marie Howell - Mabe its just me lyrics

Mabe its just me Listin to me now all of you just shut up and listin no ones not going any where until I say what I gatta say and if you think your worried about me now wait till I start cutting my self and trying to k** myself again now I dont know if its just me or if its the fact that im even alive right now that you have so many problems with and since some of you still dont seem to understand me let me make this to the point where you can not and will not forget about you can say what ever you want to say you can tell me I dont have a reason to live that I should k** myself you can call me what ever you want to call me but I will tell you this what ever you say to me I will not forget you can tell me how I dont care about anyone else but myself you can tell me how im not a true friend hell you can tell me anything and everything but when you wonder whey you cant hear my voice when you wonder whey I dont fight back and you ask me every day whey I dont do anything its because number 1 im not the one in control of this life God is and some times I forget that by the words I say and the things I do you wanna know whey even though people put me through hell and make me feel like I dont belong in this world so whey do I put up with them its because Jesus once said you have herd it was said love your nighbors and hate your enimes but I tell you the truth love your enimes pray for those who proscute you bless those who curse you do good to those who do evil over come evil with good and if one slaps you on one cheek let him have the outher as well cant tell you excatly how many times I read that and said ok thinking it was something I could do but now I dont even want to wake up anymore let me tell you something five differnt times someones stole something from me countless times people have thrown rocks at me and accused me of something I didint do like making 3 wholes in the laundry room or banging on someones door and running off what would I do that for when I knew it would piss you off it clearly pissed me off whey someone did that to me than you have those people who tell you that you can ask them anything when the time comes you just gatta ask about something no one knows whats going on or whose in charge of what no one knows whey no one bouthered to tell there who some change made that involved you in any way whatso ever you its one thing to rip me apart and for me to ever pretend im ok at this point its impossible 10 years I been houlding back everything I wanted to say and do because I was always told that I can get into a lot of trouble with the words I say and the things I want to do right now but than I guss it just dosent imply to you at all or you just dont care now im not trying to sound like im judgeing anyone right now case im not and I never will no matter what the case is but I been thinking mabe its just me 10 years I blamed myself for what people put me through and till this day I still blame myself for everything people have said/ done to me because I know ive said hurtful things and done things that might have hurt them deeply trying not to hurt anyone I end up hurting myself 30 times worse but you know what all this pain I try so hard to hould it all in is now about to come out of me in 2.3 milla seconds and I dare someone to try my anger right now see I just cant wrap my mind around the fact that it wouldnt matter what I did or what I said it would still feel like theres absoultultly no reason for me to be alive at this moment through I know God brought me back to life for reason and knowing he has a plan for me with everything that been said and done I find it hard to belive that God needs me for anything now I do trust him with my life and I do belive Jesus died for me I belive Jesus is comeing back one day no dought about it but because I cant seem to let go of all this pain and still find myself asking whey me what did I do or what did I say for you to hate me as much much as you do mabe its just me but I cant keep living this life yes I have a pa**ion for writting and singing but if all im doing is hurting people and no one can read my wrighting what am I good for many times I tried to k** myself hell I cant 18 years done nouthing but try to find out what im good for I cant seem to do anything right and it just seems like no matter what I say or do no matter what the case is I just cant do anything wrong I just cant do anything right in this life not trying to please the world case its impossibe so I keep thinking what dose the Lord think about me dose God need me right now what has he called me for have I done anything worth value in his eyes im not sure thinking bout the things ive said and done gets me wondering who am I where do I belong whey cant people just leave me alone for once I dont mind having frinds I dont mind hanging out with people but if all your gonna do is point out everything ive done wrong drag me into battales that get me wondering if this is the end every time I hear about anyone hurting the ones I care about I want to do something about it but no one will let me and it tears me apart that I have to watch you all fall apart mabe its just me mabe its just me I rember how I was fed up when all you said was natalie guss who likes you and to sit there and tell me its not anoying how would you like it if some one did that to you but you know what just dont worry about it because its not like I could ever get annoyed or agrevated oh wait I have so many times its un real than you have those who claim thire differnt but turn out to be the same as every one else now see what I dont understand is whey everyone has to be the same if we where all mad to be the same we would all look excatly the same but where not we where ment to be our selves so whey do we look for a reason to hate someone for what ever reason all of this fighting and d**h God when will all of this come to a end everyone going into war instead of just helping each outher out with what we have mabe its just me I dont know about you but I want to be able to accept anyone and everyone for who they are on the inside can anyone tell me how a school can mannage to have 2 art cla**es,asl,jrotc,pe and every athletic thing you can think of including wrastling and track they offer band & dance but you cant afforid to have chior if this school is truly as bad as it is whey would you want us to save it in the frist place really you know ever seince I came here I realized no one has common sence once so ever and thats disapointing but what can I do mabe its just something ive said or done but can anyone please come to me face to face and tell me what there probblem is with me instead of talking about me behind my back and calling the plioce on me and if you see some one watching me than that means your watching me to dosnt it or is there something im missing some days I just reached a point where I gatta shut down and not start up again and if that means k**ing myself than fine consider it done but I cant put up with this anymore tired of people always telling me what I can and cant say what I can and cant do where I can and cant go I tell you what since I cant do anything right whey dont you just live my life for me while I try to get myself to stop breathing asap but than what would my family do where would they be and what would my friends say & do if I k**ed myself I thought of this so many times and I just gotta scream and rip my head off every time every time I look around its just too painful seeing people with out hearing about people dying from starvation just tears me apart while all this is going on people still try so hard to get me in a relation ship with someone as if I didint have enough to worriy about right now its not like anyone ever shot me with a bb gun or did anything just to get money I dont have and want me to have s** with them its not like anyone ever set me fire twice just because he didint get what he wanted oh wait he did mabe its just me mabe its something I said or done but what ever it is I just cant figger it out can anyone tell me whey they do what they do whey cant I do anything right in this life yea I care about people I care what they think,feel I care what people say and do I try to care and love them just as God did for me but I just cant seem to get it right I tried to give up music once befor but as you can see music is apart of me and the fact that this school dosent have chior or know whats going on and whoes in charge of what just rips me apart and I dont think I can go on anymore every time I walk by or even rember the memorys I had of chior I start crying inside and out and I just dont think I cant put up with it anymore you have some people think im too young to stress out but I dont think there is a age where you can be too young to stress with all thats going on and you wanna help but dont know how when everything just comes crashing down and nouthing seems to be right at all when all you see is darkness with no hope of ever comeing out it just gets worser by the seconed till finnaly its reached a point where everything is now flying around your mind all the pain and scares that just cant be let go finnaly you just start asking is it worth it is life worth all this pain and anger that you hould inside mabe its just me mabe its just me mab its just me tell me was it something I said I was something I did what is it that you feel like you cant come to me whey your concerend about me I do have the right to know whats going on dont I or am I just suposd to atomaticly know every thing and if thats the case you can forget about ever hearing my voice again sometimes I wonder whats going on with this world whey cant we all just accept each outher for who we are is life really worth losing the ones you care for and when people hurt you gatta hurt someone else just to feel better bout your self tell me how dose that work case when I hurt someone I dont feel good about it infact I dont sleep sometimes I wont even eat anything case its on my mind but than whey dose it matter if all we do is try to be someone where not what are we even here for dose anyone know mabe you been through rough times so you take it out on anyone whoes differnt making them feel like they dont belong in this world you have millions of people around the world acturally k**ed themselves because they belived they have no reason to be alive and I came close 3 times to doing the same so whey hurt outhers each time I tryed to k** myself God stopped me God told me I was his that I belong to him he told me how he has a plan for me and that as long as I belong to him everything will be ok so im giving my life to him knowing that something amazingly well hopefully one day and I cant wait till he returns to this world to take us home where we belong no more fighting no more wars and hate every thing will soon come to a end every battale will soon be meaningless case there will be nouthing to fight for anymore knowing that just gets me through anouther day and strength to put up with what anyone and everyone throughs my way im still just gonna keep walking because I know im not in control of this world im not even in control of my life and sometimes I forget that but that I rember God can do and I just give everything to him and to him only is when all my trust and hope is placed yea I know should report a lot of things people do to me but I dont because I dont know there life story just like they dont mine and what would be the point of getting the police involved when God already knows about it and is just waiting for us to come to him for help mabe its just me mabe its just me but if you have to go up,down,in,out one side to the outher how do you possibly expect us to make it to cla** on time because people are gonna be standing in the hall ways talking to who ever its impossible im just so dam tired of this life that I dont know what to do anymore mabe its just me mabe its just me mabe I just cant have to go anouther day of pretending everything is ok im gonna rip my own head off and out a blood bath THIS SONG WAS WRITTEN BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELL AGE 18 TYPED BY NATALIE MARIE HOWELLAGE 18