Nadifa Mohamed - The Orchard of Lost Souls (175-76) lyrics

Kawsar watched her daughter wash her sticky hands again and again in the bathroom and felt all language leave her. The relationship between them, which had been so intimate and supple, was now brittle. From the moment Hodan was born, Kawsar had breathed in her scent as if it was the air that kept her alive. Her beauty and fragility made something contract inside her mother. Kawsar had even been jealous of Farah when she watched Hodan on his knee, following the sentences on the page that he was reading with her finger. It felt as if he was stealing time from her, but when Farah pa**ed just after Hodan's ninth birthday Kawsar proudly watched her take his place in the chair and carry on reading his books. Mother and daughter had always communicated through touches and kisses and slept huddled in the same bed, but had lost that easy communication in a single moment. If she said the word they had both left unspoken it seemed as if everything would break, that the pretence of calm would be eternally lost, that shame would replace everything else in their lives. Hodan simply refused to leave the house and Kawsar acquiesced rather than force the words from her lips.