Nadia Ali - Holding Back lyrics

[Hook: Nadia Ali] Since I saw you last/ I been holding back/ I figured I should do just that/ I thought i'd crack/ But I smiled instead/ I let you read the fine print/ [Verse 1: Joka] When you left I didn't know who I was/ I felt like all I was/ Was love/ Tears for ya absence/ Fear became pa**ion/ Asking god/ Questions I shouldn't be asking/ Sitting/ Hating living/ Hitting my self/ And gasping/ Becoming more persistent/ With every minute pa**ing/ To have you back when/ You was gone forever lasting/ The scorned/ Im just masking the torment/ And laughing way more/ When the habits becoming boring/ And im just acting real numb/ But that pain ain't gone/ So im just acting/ Real dumb/ When I could let it all out/ Pick up my life & keep going/ But im paused like a game/ When real lifes going on/ And it's funny when I smile/ I ain't never feeling joy/ Im just posing/ Like a toy/ And you know/ I employ/ Misery/ When literally/ Just spiritually/ Destroyed/ Crocidile tears/ From a clown/ Enjoy/ [Hook] [Bridge: Joka] Im holding back/ Holding back/ I hold it back/ I gotta hold it back/ Im holding back/ Gotta hold it back/ Im holding back/ Gotta hold it back/ [Verse 2: T.O] Looking in the mirror/ Lying to myself/ My mind playing tricks/ So I'm yearning for some help/ But Im learning that the steps/ Would lead me to some wealth/ But money just made me felt/ Like hell, it made me melt/ Empty on the inside/ Caught up quick/ With many of things/ Complex thoughts/ Fiend for a smile/ So I dreamed/ But I woke up to the same things/ The pain that the world brings/ The stress that success breeds/ Seems to stampede/ So I vowed to myself I'll never fail/ Locked myself all alone in a mental jail/ Rebelling from the same thoughts/ Naw im not doing well/ But when they ask/ I just act, like im living swell/ The outside appearance/ The fake smiles/ The handshakes, the head nods are all not/ Real, so yeah I've been playing good/ Wishing that my life could be the way it should/ Im like/ [Hook]