Monty Python - Witch burning lyrics

- We have found a witch. May we burn her? - Burn her! - How do you know she is a witch? - She looks like one - Bring her forward - I am not a witch - But you are dressed as one - They dressed me up like this - We didn't! - And this isn't my nose. It's a false one - Well? - Well, we did do the nose - The nose? - And the hat. But she is a witch - Burn her! - Did you dress her up like this? - No - Yes - Yes, a bit. She has got a wart - What makes you think she is a witch? - Well, she turned me into a newt - A newt? - I got better - Burn her anyway - Burn her! - Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch - Are there? What are they? Tell us - Tell me, what do you do with witches? - Burn them! - What do you burn apart from witches? - More witches! - Wood - So, why do witches burn? - 'Cause they're made of wood? - Good! - So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood? - Build a bridge out of her - Can you not also make bridges of stone? - Oh, yeah - Does wood sink in water? - No - It floats - Throw her into the pond! - What also floats in water? - Bread - Apples - Very small rocks - Cider - Cherries - Gravy - Mud - Churches - Lead - A duck! - Exactly So, logically... - If she weighs the same as a duck... She's made of wood - And, therefore... - A witch! - A witch!