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Mishima - My Whole Life Crying lyrics

I've spent my whole life crying over myself
I've missed my youth just dreaming
I could talk to God
I'm tired of pretending
My life's a bliss
I'm really tired of knowing
My life's a mess

Being just a [?]
I drink my days of joy
Being just a stupid dreamer
I forgot my lovers' names
'Cause I was only crying
[Lyrics from: https:/lyrics.az/mishima/lipstick-traces/my-whole-life-crying.html]
Just crying over myself
And I was only dreaming
Just dreaming I could talk to God

But now these days are over, honey
As I'm finding where to live
I let my tears spring over [?]
And now these days are over, honey
As I'm learning how to sing
I let my tears spring over
[?]

You'll better just be living [?]

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